Start Over 2

By: Alex Chua

http://alexander0506chua.blogspot.com/

Since most of my courses ay nakuha ko na sa dati kong school, bale three subjects lang ako this Semester and MWF lang ang pasok ko. Nilibot ko ang school, pumunta ako ng pantry, library, gymnasium, computer lab, rec hall, and different department buildings. Maganda ang school, di papatalo sa mga Unibersidad sa siyudad. Masayahin ang mga tao at mukha namang mababait, may mga nakakasalubong akong ngumingiti, may nagha-Hi, at may mga nagko-confirm kung transferee nga ako kasi ngayon nga lang daw nila ako nakita sa Campus. Habang patuloy ako sa paglalakad, nakita ko si Jek-jek na nakaupo sa ilalim ng puno malapit sa Gym.

"Uy Lex, lika." Tawag sakin. Pinaupo niya ako sa tabi niya at sabay abot sakin nang bottled water.

"Mukhang napagod ka sa site tour? Haha Pasensiya na di kita nasamahan, bigla ka kasing umalis kanina after class."

"Naku ayos lang yun, may pinuntahan lang ako kanina. Salamat pala jek. An-Lawak pala nitong San Sebastian na to."

"Sinabi mo pa, pero sigurado ka na bang dito ka na talaga?"

"Ay hindi pa, Hindi pa naman ako enrolled di ba? , hindi pa din ako nakauwi sa bahay, hindi pa ako naka attend ng first class ko kanina, ni hindi ko nga kilala si Engr Guengco at yung mayabang na Tyler na kumag na yun, in fact wala nga ako sa tabi mo ngayon di ba? Hahaha"

Tawanan kaming dalawa.

Tahimik.

Ilang segundo...

"Lex... Jek.." Sabay namin bigkas.

"Ah sorry, sige mauna ka. Ano yun?" Kako.

"Lex, kasi ano. Ahmmm... Alam ko... Kung ano nangyari... Concern lang ako... I know what really happened between you and ........my cousin. "

"JM told me everything. " dagdag niya

Napatigil ako. Napayuko.

"Wala ka dapat ikahiya, I just want to let you know that you can trust me. You can talk to me. Para san pa't naging magkakabata tayo."

"Alam mo jek, kaya siguro nahirapan akong bumangon kasi no one ever tried to listen to me. I got no one to talk to about how I really feel inside. Si Mom laging out of the country for business trip, si Kuya halos isang beses lang sa isang linggo tumawag. Ayoko rin naman kasi istorbohin mga kaibigan ko doon kasi busy sila sa finals at ayoko sila madamay. I felt like I was alone. Ang bigat bigat nang naramdaman ko, until now honestly. I'm still not moved on, I know it. I'm just pretending that I'm okay, as my first step, I guess. "

"Andito ako. Ilabas mo iyan. I'm all ears Lex." Sabay abot ng panyo sakin nang makita niyang unti unting namumuo ang luha sa aking mga mata. Doon ko na naramdaman yung chance na ilabas lahat ng nararamdaman ko. Na finally, may someone willing to listen and hear me out.

"JM and I met sa Adamson, naging co-members kami sa isang club. Nalaman ko din na taga dito rin siya sa atin at pinsan ka nga niya. Since then, lagi na kami magkasama. Masayahing tao si JM, sweet at thoughtful. Lagi kaming magkausap sa phone, sabay lunch sa school, hahatid niya ako sa bahay. Until one night, he proposed. He said he couldn't stand anymore that we're only friends and wanted to take it to a higher stage. He said he loves me, more than what we labeled ourselves; friends. I couldn't deny that I feel the same way so I said yes, but because it was my first relationship, I warned him to take it slow coz everything were all new to me. He promised he'll guide me. At first, masaya, magaan. Then after a few weeks, he started to demand things I wasn't ready yet, na keso parang wala naman daw pinagbago, gaya parin ng dati, parang friends lang, One night he called and wanted me to come over his place and sleepover daw, he said he badly needed me. And he missed me. I knew where it was leading to. Pero Jek, sabihin mo nang impokrito ako, I just don't like it yet. Everynight, lagi siya nakikiusap, nauubusan na nga ako ng mga excuses ko eh. 

Tapos nun nagbago siya, nanlamig, hindi na siya gaya nung dati. I tried to catch things up with him pero he's so cold, he could barely look me in the eye. Then the night before my birthday, I called him and wanted to see him, I was so d*mn sure that night that I was ready, to show him how much I love and miss him, pero sabi lang niya he's tired and he's going to bed in a bit. Pinuntahan ko siya sa Flat niya to surprise him, nagbakasakali akong bukas yung pinto so i checked on the knob first before knocking on the door, luckily di siya naka-lock. I stepped inside and heard weird noises, moans and tickles, to my surprise, I saw him with another man on his bed, naked. 

JM saw me and stood up, you know what hurts the most? When I saw the other man's face, it was my f*cking friend. I ran outside and JM stopped me, begging, saying his sorry. I told him the reason why I came over, to give him what he wanted, what I also wanted. but I guess I was too late.. I couldn't tell anyone what I've been going through. I didnt go to school for a week, couldn't tell my friends why I broke up with JM bec they are friends with the man JM slept with. I felt like there were so many things inside and couldn't stand each day. So I decided to go back here, to start over. "

Inakbayan ako ni Jek. Lalo akong napahagulgol. A minute later, he was hugging me. It was the first time na mailabas ko lahat nang hinanakit, to cry it all out.

"Tahan na. You did the right thing, going back here." He smiled.

Nung matapos ako mag ayos nang sarili, tumayo na siya at inaya na ako sa next class namin. Tahimik namin nilakad papuntang classroom. Hinanda ko narin ang aking sarili baka pagdiskitahan na naman ako ng hilaw na kano na yun. Pagdating sa classroom, himalang wala akong makitang gwapo este kumag pati ang mga kaibigan niya. Natapos ang klase nang di ko nakita man lang at naaninag ang kanyang anino. "Buti naman." Laking pagtataka ko ng pati sa huling klase ko ay walang ungas ang nagpakita. "Ano kayang nangyari dun? Hmmm..." 

"Jek, may class ka pa? Tara uwi na tayo." Sabi ko. Inakbayan niya ako at sinabayang maglakad sa hallway.

"Mayroon pa ako last subject, sa kabilang building. Una ka na. Pahinga ka na muna. It's been a long day for you." Sabay tawa.

"Oo nga eh, Salamat Jek ha. Paano, uwi na ako. See you." Sabay ngiti at nauna na akong naglakad.

"Ingat ka pauwi!" Sigaw niya, napalingon ako at nakita ko ang isang napakatamis na ngiti mula sa aking kababata. Sinabayan pa niya ng isang kindat. Gwapo rin si jekjek, matangkad, moreno, mabalbon. Lagi ko siyang kalaro nung bata pa ako, habulan, taguan, patentero sa kalsada, lage pa niya ako nililibre at ninanakawan ng tsitsirya sa sari sari store nila. Di ko akalain na ganito na siya ngayon, matured, charming, at mabait. "Hmmmm! Erase! Erase! Erase!"

Sa parking lot. Habang naglalakad ako papuntang kotse. I saw Tyler and his friends. Singing and laughing, nakatambay sila sa isang open na Van na napakalakas ng sounds.

"Hey you! " Sigaw niya. Di ko pinansin at tuloy parin akong naglakad. When I was about to open the door, I saw his reflection on the window, I turned around and saw him staring at me. Di ko maexplain yung feeling na di ko alam ang gagawin, naco-conscious ako na natataratanta when his eyes are on me. Para akong lalagnatin pero anlamig lamig naman ng kamay ko.

"Ba't di ka pumasok?" Tangi kong natanong. Ewan ko ba, sa dinami dami ng pwedeng itanong, iyon pa ang lumabas sa aking mga labi.

"Hahaha you miss me? Hahaha "

"No."

"Then why you blushin'?" He grinned.

"Shut up! What do you need?"

"Your number."

"Why?"

"Coz I asked for it."

"You don't own everything in this World Ty. "

"I can. I can even move mountains, just say so."

Blushed.

"Hahaha you're all red again."

Blushed.

"Don't be. Coz I am not Gay. Hahaha"

"Just because I am blushing, it flatters you. No, this is because I couldn't stand the fact that I am here, talking to someone who knows nothing but to ruin my day."

"Oh you're pissed, cute, nah I don't mean you're cute, but it doesn't mean you're not, I mean..."

"just shut up!" Then I turned around and locked the door.

"Hey, the number?!"

Di ko nalang siya pinansin at pinaharurot ang sasakyan. "Aaaargh!" Tangi kong nasigaw sa loob ng kotse. "Ang kapal!." Pagkarating ko ng bahay, sinalubong ako ni Nanay Cleng.

"Musta ang unang pasok mo hijo?"

"Ayos naman nay, NAPAKABAIT nilang lahat." Sarkastiko kong sagot. Ngunit tila ata hindi naintindihan ni nanay ang ibig kong ipahiwatig.

"Mabuti naman. After mo magbihis, bumababa ka rito at magmeryenda ka muna anak."

"Opo." Sabay akyat sa aking kwarto.

Si Nanay Cleng ang aming kasambahay. Bata pa lang ako nung una siyang namasukan samin. Siya na ang nag alaga sa amin ng aking kuya, pinalaki niya kami at inalagaan, tinuring na niya kaming parang sariling anak. Nasa late 40's na siya, taga Pangasinan. Biyuda at may dalawang anak na nasa probinsiya, isang binata at dalagita.

Wala naman akong pasok kaya nakipag puyutan nalang ako kasama si Nay Cleng na manuod nang mga paborito niyang telenobela.

Mag hahating gabi na ng pumasok ako ng kwarto. Nagshower muna ako bago umakyat sa kama. Binuksan ko ang aking Facebook account gamit ang aking laptop at nagulat ako sa sobrang daming mga wall posts, private messages, at comments. Galing sa mga kaibigan ko at mga kaklase sa siyudad. Miss na daw nila ako. Nagpalit kasi ako ng number at walang sino naman ang nakakaalam nito bukod sa aking pamilya. Nagpost ako ng status at sinabing lumipat na ako ng school dito sa Pampanga. Nagpasorry din ako kasi di na ako nakapag paalam, at nag paliwanag narin kung bakit ganito ang naging desisyon ko.

"Hope to see you again, soon." Pagtatapos ko ng aking post nang biglang nakareceive ako ng notification from Tyler Green. Dali dali kong viniew ang profile niya pero nakaprivate ito unless iaccept ko ang friend request niya.

CONFIRM. NOT NOW.

Nag dalawang isip ako kung iaaccept ko ba, baka kasi may makita siya sa profile ko at gamitin pa niyang pang asar sa akin.

Not Now.

Akmang akmang papatayin ko na ang aking laptop nung nakareceive naman ako ng chat msg.

"Lex.. " si JM.

Di ako nagreply. Unti onting namuo na naman ang mga luha sa aking mata. Mga sugat na animo'y biglang nagsibukasan at nagsimulang kumirot.

"Lex... Please talk to me.."

Wala pa rin akong reply.

"I miss you baby. "

At tuluyan na akong napahagulgol. Bumalik sa akin ang aming nakaraan, those happy memories, those happy moments, those... Aaargh! I was so happy with him.. I was so in love with him..

"If only I was brave and bold enough to give him what he really wants, he probably might have not done what he did. "

"Pero he's unfair, i told him to wait until I am ready."

"But God **bleep** it, if i really love him, it was just a sex and lovers do it all the time."

"He knew our relationship was new to me, I asked him to take it slow, to give me time to adjust."

"Part of taking care of your relationship is to get closer, to unite as one, to build foundation."

"He could've wait a little longer..."

"Aaaaaargghh! TAMA NA. Please..."

Paglalaban ng aking isipan.

"JM..." I replied.

"Lex, Thank God, you replied. How are you? Where are you? "

"I am good, I guess. Don't bother finding me..."

"I'm sorry, for everything.. hope I could still take it back."

"Please, don't make it even harder for me.."

"I want to see you.. I want to talk about what happened and maybe..."

"JM STOPPED!"

""

"Let's talk about it soon. Not here."

"When? How? Can't contact you anymore."

"I'll see you soon."

"Okay, I'll wait even if takes forever."

Di na ako ang reply at tuluyang pinatay ang laptop. Humiga na ako sa kama, gulong gulo ang utak ko. Di ko maiwasang maiyak na naman. Dumapa ako at sinubsob ko ang aking mukha sa unan, sabay sigaw. "ANG SAKIT SAKIT NA!!!!!! "TAMA NA! MAG MOVE ON KA NANG TANGA KA!"

Di ko na namalayan kung ano oras ako nakatulog.