Start Over 4

By: Alex Chua

http://alexander0506chua.blogspot.com/

"Sorry, di ko nasabing kasal na pala ako." una niyang sabi. Di ako nakapag salita. Di ko alam anong tumatakbo sa isip ko nung mga oras na iyon. Yumuko ako.

"Kinasal ako last year, si Joyce, kaklase din natin nung elementary, yung anak ng dating Kapitan na si Charito. " dagdag niya. Di parin ako umimik.

"Nasa America ngayon ang Misis ko, kasama ang aming anak. Doon siya nag-aaral." patuloy na kwento niya. Unti onti kung nararamdaman ang kirot sa aking puso. Pinipigilan kong huwag maiyak. Nilalakasan ko ang aking loob na huwag magpakita nang ano mang emosyon. Pero habang sinusubukan kong itago, ay siya naman ang pamumuo ng luha sa aking mga mata. Tumayo ako at tumalikod sa kanya. Hinawakan niya ang aking kamay.

"I'm happy for you." sabi ko.

"Salamat." malungkot niyang sagot.

"Paalam lang ako kay tita Lorna. Gabi narin kasi." Di ko na inantay makasagot ito at tuluyan na akong nagpaalam kay tita. Hinatid ako ni tita lorna hanggang gate nila, nakaupo parin si jek sa may tindahn, sinenyasan ko nalang siya na una ako, at tumango lang ito.

Pagkadating ko ng kwarto. Sinubsob ko ang aking sarili sa kama. At pinakawalan ang kanina ko pang pinipigilang mga luha. Ang sakit sakit.


Thursday. 

Wala na naman akong pasok. Hindi muna ako bumangon agad pagkagising. I grabbed my laptop and opened my FB account. Marami paring mga comments, likes and posts coming from my friends. Napadaan ako sa Photo Albums and saw my old pictures. I can see how happy I was and how I enjoyed my Life in the City. I dont know what had gotten to my mind, perhaps call me crazy but I deleted all my Old photo albums,  and when I was left to one, napatigil ako, the album was named HIM. Alam ko kung ano ang laman nito. Si JM. Binuksan ko ito and I saw how perfect we looked together. I can see my smile on each photo. I was indeed happy with JM.. with my first LOVE. I can feel tears falling from my eyes, yet a smile on my lips. I miss JM.. I surely am. . He had shown me so many things in Life. He had given me so many new things I couldn't imagine. So many hopes, promises, and the LOVE that no one has ever made me feel. I viewed his Profile and saw his DP, a heart cut in to two and his last post says, " If only ...". Now all those happy thoughts were changed. I started to remember again what happened, what he did, and what I could've done to make it not to happen. "yes JM, If Only." says my mind. I clicked on the Message button and asked him to meet me today. After a few seconds, he replied.

"wer?" he asked.

"ur place." I said.

"Okay, what time?"

"After lunch."

"I'll see you then."

"Yeah, see you." He sounded different from the last time we talked. He sounded Cold, relaxed and blunt. Could it be that he already had moved on? hmmmm... Well, good for him. At least, magiging madali nalang ang lahat.

Then I remembered someone's hanging on my friend request list. Si Tyler. I could hardly see his name, dumami kasi nang dumami mga friend requests ko. Some were from my new Classmates and some were from Adams. Some names, hmmm I dont know.

CONFIRMED.

Right before shutting down my laptop. I got a Poke notification, and only to find out, it was Tyler's. Didnt poke him back and instead viewed his profile. His DP's so adorable, hot , and sexy. He's wearing this nerdy eyeglass, and white long sleeve unbuttoned showing his chest, and a glimpse of his right nipple. He has this appeal that would make everyone goes gaga. And dont forget how sexy he bit his lips. I was reading all of his posts when I got a message from him.

"I knw it"!
"knows what?"
"You couldn't resist adding me up."
"It was you who added me up, and I could easily unfriend you."
"You're mean."

Di na ako nagreply at tumayo na ako ng kama para maligo. Nagbreakfast muna ako kasama si Nay Cleng at nag paalam na ime-meet ko dati kong friends sa Manila. Quarter to 11am na ako nakalabas ng bahay. Kinawayan ako ni tita Lorna nung nasa tapat ako ng bahay nila, naalala ko si jek. Di talaga ako makapaniwalang kasal na pala ang aking kababata. And to be honest, I almost thought he's into me. I got carried away. He is sweet and caring. I might have mistaken his intensions to something else. Screw Me! Probably, he just wanted his childhood friend back, his best buddy. And the fck, I blew it off. I pulled over and drove back to talk to tita Lorna, hinanap ko si jek. Sabi ni tita nakapasok na raw ito. Hiningi ko ang kanyang cellphone number at tuluyan nang nagpaalam. While Driving, I called jek.

"Hello?"

"Hi.."

"Sino to?"

"Alex." 

"Sinong Alex?"

"Sama mo."

"hahaha joke lang. Asan ka?"

"papunta ako Manila, may nakalimutan lang akong kunin. Dumaan pala ako sa bahay niyo, nakapasok ka na raw, kinuha ko nalang number mo."

"Oo, 9am pasok ko kanina. kailan ka balik? or babalik ka pa ba? hehe"

"Tse! mayang gabi din."

"Puntahan kita maya?"

"Sige at marami kang i-explain este ikukwento!"

"haha Oo na, gusto mo sa inyo pa ako matulog eh."

"Huwag na baka magalit Misis mo."

"Uyy, jelly jelly."

"hahaha hindi no."

"Di nga?"

"Hindi nga! Ang kulit!"

"Bat feel ko namumula ka na naman."

"Hay naku."

"totoo?"

"Ewan ko sayo. Wala naman dapat akong ikaselos."

"Oo nga, walang wala. Sayong sayo ang puso ko."

TAHIMIK.

TAHIMIK pa din.

"Lex.. Jek..." sabay namin banggit.

TAWA.

TAHIMIK ulit.

"Jek, sige na. Kita nalang tayo maya."

"Sige, ingat ka. uhmmm Lex.."

"Ano yun?"

"Ah eh. .Wala, maya nalang."

"Okay Sige."

toot toot toot.

Past 12 na nang marating ako ng Manila. Dumaan muna ako sa isang coffee shop bago tunguhin ang lugar ni JM. I bumped into Mj. I was about to stand up and walk away but he asked me stay. Mj has been my friend since 1st year. He's always been there for me and JM all the time. He even was the reason why I met My first love.. He looks different. He isn't the Mj I used to know, someone na jolly, maingay, at palaging nang aasar. Something's Off. We were staring at each other for a couple of minutes. I didnt know where to start. I didn't even know if we still need to talk about it. 

"I am sorry friend." he initiated. I just looked at him and let my eyes tell him how I really feel inside. I wish he could see the pain, the hatred and anger. I trusted him with so many things yet he gave me nothing but heartaches. He was the one JM slept with. He then started to cry. I couldn't feel the sincerity, I couldn't see his regret Or maybe, I was still blinded with hatred and anger. He held my hand and cried even louder. I looked around and saw people starting to wonder.

"Please don't make a scene here. " I said. He nodded while crying like a baby. He told me how it happened. How JM flirted and asked him to spend the night with him. He didn't deny that for the long time, he is attracted to JM and kept it inside. He also added how sorry he is for taking the chance to be with him when we were not in good state. He said, the night I saw them together, he also ran away after I did, and that JM never talked to him since then. JM had already confessed everything to my friends. Mj said he tried to talk to JM and asked if they could somehow start again and see if things will work out , but JM refused and said he loves me so much and still hoping he could make things up with me. Mj got nothing left, our friends are mad at him, JM didn't love him back, he gave up his clubs and orgs, living alone in a rented condo because his parent casted him out after knowing that their only child is a Gay. He was hoping that making up with me would help him to start and pick things up and make himself whole again.

"What happened, happened. We can't take it back. I suffered more than you do. I was the one who got cheated by my boyfriend and by my F-R-I-E-N-D. Pero hindi ko hinayaang lalong masira ang buhay ko because I failed on something, so I decided to run away and move on. I sacrificed so many things to find myself again. And I am finally getting there." I said.

"I am trying to get back on track, and I know I should start this to the person I hurted the most, YOU, my friend." he replied.

"Nagmahal ka lang, I don't see anything wrong with that. Sometimes we just can't control ourselves from following what our hearts say. But then again, of course we have to be brave enough to face whatever consequences it may lead to." I said.

"And that's lossing all of what I had, including YOU." he added.

I don't regret knowing Mj. He has been a good friend to me. We had so much memories together, he was like a brother to me but I couldn't trust him anymore. I just can't. Everytime I see his face, the night he's naked with the love of my life flashes back. I bowed before him. He held my hand. I then started to feel tears falling from eyes. He moved to the chair beside me. He hugged me and I could hear him crying as well.

"I am really sorry for all the pain, lex." He added.

"I wish this had never happened, because I love our friendship. It is with you that I could be true to myself. It is you that I trusted all my secrets and everything. Now, everything's gone. I can't trust you anymore. I want to, but everytime I try, I see myself going back to those days that I almost give up."

He hugged me even tighter. People are staring at us. Some were laughing. Some looked confused. Hell I care. I moved back to release myself from his hands. I looked him in the eye.

"Let's move on. Don't let anything hold us back. Pinatawad na kita, the minute I heard your voice." I added.

"Salamat lex." hagulgol pa nito lalo.

"Pero di kasi ganoon kadali ibalik yung tiwala Mj."

"Alam ko naman yun friend. kaya ko yan i-work out. Kung kinakailangang magpakatulong ako sayo, gagawin ko."

"Sira, di naman ganoon eh."


"Oo na, sapat nang mapatawad mo ako. Salamat talaga." Sabay yakap na naman. I then told him na tumigil na siya sa kakayap at kanina pa kami pinagpi-fiestahan dito. Natawa nalang kaming dalawa. I told him my plan of meeting up JM later. He then agreed the idea, he said JM has never been the same since. I refused to ask any updates about him which he understood. We exchanged numbers and I told him how my life now in Pampanga. An hour later, he bid his goodbye and said he will drop by at our friends' place this afternoon to see if he can also get the same thing he got from me; forgiveness. He also asked me to come with him kasi sobrang namimiss na daw nila ako. "This must be my lucky day." his last words then he walked away. I smiled and waved my hand.