Love. Sex. Insecurity. [Chapter 4]

Love. Sex. Insecurity.

[Chapter 4]

By: Crayon

***AKI**

2:00 pm, Sunday

March 13

Kakatapos lang ng meeting ko with clients. Naging maayos naman ang lahat and things are finally falling into places. Sobra din akong nagpakalunod sa trabaho ko for the last 12 mos. After ako idestino ng accounting firm ko dito sa Davao, wala akong inatupag kundi trabaho. More than 1 year akong walang social life, pero ok lng sakin yun. Sanay ako sa ganitong buhay. 

My name is Aki, at the age of 26 im pretty much satisfied with what i have accomplished in my chosen field. Marami ang nagsasabing dapat na ko mag-asawa dahil may stable job na ko at kayang-kaya ko ng sumuporta ng pamilya. Tinatawanan ko lang ang mga nagsasabi sa akin niyan. Una, wala pa ang taong gusto ko pakasalan o mas tamang sabihin hindi niya pa ako mahal. Pangalawa, hindi legal ang same sex marriage sa Pilipinas. 

Yes, the only person i happen to be romantically in love with is also a guy. Worst part is, im not the guy that he loves.

"Sir, may i have a word with you." wika ng aking sekretarya, matapos ang  tatlong mahihinang katok.

Agad ko namang iminulat ang aking mata at inayos ang upo sa aking swivel chair. 

"Yes, come in Samantha." sagot ko.

"Sir, i just need you to sign these papers for approval." magalang na sabi ni Samantha habang naglalakad papasok ng aking opisina bitbit ang mga papeles na tinutukoy niya.

"Are these the layouts presented to me the other day by Mr. Ferrer?" tanong ko sa aking sekretarya.

"Yes sir, after you sign these you're free to go." biro ng aking sekretarya. Ngumiti lang ako sa pahayag niya na yun. "Seriously sir, you can go after you've sign those. Wala na po kayong scheduled meeting for today or even for the following weeks. Everything is doing well in the site. Ultimo facilities natin is doing great, things hardly need your supervision."

"Are you telling me that my services are no longer needed here?" biro ko kay Samantha.

"Of course not! On behalf of all the women working in this building, let me tell you that we will always need you as our inspiration. We will always draw motivation from you to go to work even on weekends. You will always be the center of our work life. Hahaha" ganting banat niya.

"Inatake ka na naman ng sakit mo." sagot ko.

"Sir! Kung sakit man tong matatawag, cure me now pleaaasssee... Right now, right here in your office... Pleeaaaassseee." 

Dun na ko natawa. Luka luka talaga tong sekretarya ko. Sa mahigit isang taon kong pagtatrabaho dito sa Davao itong si Sam ang naging isa sa mga kaibigan ko.

"Ms. Samantha Marie Tumandong! Umayos ka please. Mamaya may makarinig sayo baka kung anung isipin nila. Mapagbintangan pa kong rapist."

"Sir Aki, Una sa lahat, call me Samantha, Sam, Sammy, Marie, SM but please refrain from using my last name. Nakakabawas sa ganda ko eh" pakiusam ni Samantha, hindi kasi siya masyadong masaya sa apelyidong minana niya, tulad ng lagi niyang sinasabi, nakakabawas daw sa ganda niya. "Pangalawa sir, sa gwapo mong yan, walang maniniwalang rapist ka. Wag ka masyado mag-alala. Tsaka seryoso ako sir, wala na talaga kayo gagawin mamaya. Alam ko naman pong pagod kayo sa ginawa nating preparation para sa clients natin today. Im just letting you know that, the rest of your day is available. If you've got something in mind to do, you may do it today. Kasi waley na talaga tayong gagawin ditey. Kahit akiz nga-nga na lang later boom." mahabang litanya ni Samantha.

"Alright. Apparently i have nothing to do at my house. So i'd rather stay here in the office. Thanks for your concern, but im doing just fine here. If it is true that you have nothing to do in your desk, you may go now. I'll get off of the office around 4 anyways."

"Talaga sir? Wala nang bawian yan ha?" halata ang tuwa sa mukha ng aking sekretarya. Alam ko namang iyon lang ang gusto niya marinig sakin kaya niya ko kinu kulit. Ibinalik ko na rin ang mga papeles na pinirmahan ko para makaalis na sya.

Akmang aalis na si Samantha ng bigla siyang pumihit paharap muli sa akin. "Nga pala sir, bakit di ka pa nagrerequest sa company na ibalik ka na sa Maynila. Things are turning out well here for the last 5 mos. Im sure they'll grant your request. Di mo ba namimiss ang mga taong naiwan mo sa Maynila?" sabi ni Samantha. 

Binigyan ko lang sya ng isang blangkong tingin bilang sagot. Alam niya na ang ibig kong sabihin non.

 "I guess i should get myself going. Thank you sir, drive safely and see you tomorrow!" nginitian ko lang sya this time.

Napapikit na lang ako at buntung hininga ng marinig kong sumara ang pinto ng aking opisina. 

It's been more than a year since it all happened, but i can still recall every detail and feel every emotion. However, i never tell this story to anyone, no one ever knew what really happened, no one ever had an idea of how much pain i endured. No one except myself.

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FLASHBACK

It was a Sunday a night, i was in a bar with some of my friends, i really don't feel like going out that night but my friends has been boggling me all day to go out and drink, that' s why i'm here. I was wearing a fitted white polo shirt with stripes on the collar and the sleeves, paired with black jeans and white snickers. 

I know i look good that night because a number of girls has been sending me signals to take them out but i wasn't just in the mood plus it's not really my kind of game. I was just sitting there on the couch, drinking my beer, while watching my friends flirt with almost every girl on the floor. They keep on dragging me on the floor to dance with some drunk girls they've met but they know my type and tonight i dont feel like flirting with a girl. I know im different from them cause i get attracted to both men and women, and good thing, they don't have issues with that.

I'm a very reserve person, very discreet. Only a few of my friends know my preference, the gay world i guess labeled my kind 'paminta'. Haha but that's alright i dont go by the labels anyway.

After i finished my 4th bottle of beer i feel like i need to pee so i went to the washroom. When i was to push the door, someone inside suddenly pulled it. I almost loss my balance, i dont know if it was because of the door suddenly opening or because of the person who opened the door. The guy just stood there and stared at me for a few seconds. I just stared back bec he was utterly, cute i guess. He was definitely shorter than me, a little chubby with chinito features. But definitely eye catching, he has this charm that really caught my attention. I was about to show my killer smile when he spoke.

"uh? Bro, do you have any plans getting inside or at least moving a little to your side so i can get out of here" he said sarcastically.

I didn't notice i was blocking his way, maybe that's why he's staring. "Sorry" i said to him then took a step to my side. 

"Thanks." he replied then went on his way. I emptied my bladder real quick so i can see where that cute chubby chinito guy is sitting. But i can't find him in the crowd. So i just went back to our couch, i saw my friends sitting there already. 

I sat next to Renz, we have same preference so i guess he would be the best person to talk to about the guy in the cr. I told him what happened and how that guy snobbed me. Then he just laughed at me teasing me and my poor ego.

I was losing hope on talking to that cute-chubby-chinito-guy when Renz suddenly pointed towards the exit.

"sya ba yon?" he asked.

"Oo sya nga pre" pagkasagot ko, tumayo agad si renz.

"Kapag nakuha ko number niya, ikaw magbayad nitong bill natin ah" pagkasabi non dumiretso nadin si Renz sa exit. Buti na lang may back up ako kasi di talaga ko magaling sa ganito. Mas sanay ako na ako ang nilalapitan.

"Good luck!" i said, iniisip ko na di niya makukuha yung number nung lalake. Sino ba namang matinong lalake ang papayag ibigay ang number sa kapwa lalake na hindi niya naman kilala. 

Minutes later, i just heard Renz shouting, " Tol, panalo ko sa pustahan natin!"

That's when it all started.

Five days after makuha ni Renz ang number ni cute-chubby-chinito-guy, nagkaroon din ako ng lakas ng loob na itxt siya. Mahiyain talaga ako at ayaw ko sa rejection, at sa tuwing naaalala ko ang una naming pagkikita nawawala ang tapang ko na itxt siya dahil baka sungitan niya lang ako.

At yung nga tinxt ko sya at nagkasundo kami na magkita nung gabi din na yun. Di tulad ng inaasahan, hindi niya ko masyadong sinungitan this time. 

Balak kong umuwe ng maaga mula sa trabaho para makapaghanda sa 'date' namin ni Kyle. Nang nagliligpit na ko ng gamit ko para umuwi, bigla akong pinatawag ng boss ko sa opisina niya. Dali-dali ako nagpunta sa opisina ng boss ko para matapos agad ang anumang paguusapan namen. 

Pagdating ko sa opisina niya, sinalubong ako ng kanyang sekretarya.

"Sir Aki saglit lang po, sasabihan ko lang si Chairman na nandito ka na" magalang na paalam ng sekretarya, sabay pasok sa opisina ng kanyang boss. Ilang saglit lang lumabas muli ang medyo may edad na ring sekretarya ng aking boss.

"Sir Aki, maupo muna po kayo. May kausap pa kasi si boss sa phone."

Humigi't kumulang 30 minutos din akong nagantay sa opisina ng boss ko. Balak ko na sana tumayo para umalis nang biglang tumunog ang telepono ng kaharap kong sekretarya. 

"Sir, tapos na po si boss, pwede na po kayong pumasok", baling sa akin ng sekretarya. Tumango lang ako bilang tugon at dumiretso na sa loob ng opisina ng aking boss.

Kumatok ako ng tatlong beses bago dumiretso sa pagpasok sa opisina.

“Good afternoon Chairman.”, magalang kong pagbati.

“Yes, Mr. Del Valle please come in. I'm sorry to keep you waiting outside. I just had to take that call. There's so much going on right now. Please have a seat.”, panimula ng aking boss. Agad naman akong umupo sa upuan sa harapan upang makapagsimula na kami.

“I'll get straight to the point, so I can save you some time. Our office in Davao is really struggling with their numbers for the past few months. I wish to attend the matter myself but I just couldn't leave our office here in Makati.” Nagpalabas ng buntong hininga ang aking boss, tanda na hindi niya na kaya i-handle ang lahat ng mag-isa.

“You're one of my best subordinates and you are definitely a perfect fit to handle everything there. I hope you can grant this request, I need you to go to Davao and be in charge of everything that's going on there. If possible stay there 'til the site can stand on it's own again, and we're talking about months here, may even take more than a year depending on how things will turn out.”

Nagulat ako sa tinuran ng aking boss. I wasn't expecting this promotion, I'm one of the youngest employee in the office and my boss is expecting me to look over at our site down south. It's such a good offer, hard to turn down. Pero bigla kong naisip ang span ng time na kailangan kong ilagi doon. Sanay naman akong malayo sa pamilya ko pero hindi pa ako nalayo sa kanila ng mahigit dalawang buwan, not to mention what will happen to my social life since I bearly know anyone from Davao.

“I know it would be somehow difficult for you to decide. Obviously, you'll have to spend a great deal of time there, considering the numbers there that needs some serious fixing. Because of that, I'm giving you 7 days to decide if you'll take this project or not. Whatever your decision may be , I will respect that. No hard feelings.” sabay ngiti ng aking boss.

“ I really appreciate your trust and confidence in me Chairman. Don't worry i'll think about this, and you'll hear from me 7 days from now.” sagot ko sa mga sinabi niya.

“Alright, sounds good to me, i'll talk to you next week then. You may leave now, I already took so much out of your time. Thanks for dropping by.”

“That's fine Chairman and thank you again. I'll see you next week.”

Matapos kong magpaalam sa aking boss ay bumalik na ako sa aking opisina. Nakaupo ako sa aking upuan at iniisip ang napag-usapan namin ng aking boss ng biglang tumunog ang phone ko.

A message from Kyle.

Kyle: I'm here at Glorietta. Pls dont be late.

Nun lang ako natauhan, nakalimutan ko na ang aking 'date' kasama si Kyle. Dali-dali kong nilisan and building namin at nagdrive patungo sa lugar na aming pagkikitaan.

My dinner with Kyle went well, in fact better than I was expecting. He was naturally funny, may pagkamali-mali na lalo lang nagpapacute sa kanya. But what surprised me a lot was this question from him : “So, saan mo ko balak dalhin after this?”. On normal occasion natu-turn off na ko sa kasama ko kapag nagtanong ng ganito out of the blue. But in this case, the opposite happened. There's something with the way he said it or with the way he looked at me when said it, that tickles my senses. Napangisi na lang ako sa kanya bilang tugon. Pero napaisip din talaga ako kung saan ko nga siya dadalhin after our dinner, I really haven't planned for this. Then, I remembered our gathering that day with my barkada. That's where I brought him.

Kyle is simply a charmer. Dahil mukhang nagustuhan agad siya ng mga kabarkada ko. Alam kong maloloko ang mga barkada ko at balak nilang lasingin si kyle para hindi sila malimutan nung tao. And since I am responsible for bringing Kyle on this inuman session, nagpakabayani na ako at ako na ang umangkin ng mga tagay na para sana ay kay kyle.

It was almost 3 o'clock in the morning and I can feel the booze all over my veins, but I know I can still manage to drive. That's one of my bad side, I love being a drunk driver. :P

Inaya ko nang umuwi si Kyle. Pumayag naman siya na ihatid siya sa kanila. I tried to talk to him while driving to keep myself awake and alert.

“Saan pala kita ihahatid?” tanong ko kay Kyle.

“Ikaw, saan ka ba uuwi?” balik-tanong niya sa akin.

“Well, Makati area ako e.” sagot ko.

“Bulacan kasi ako dapat uuwe ngayon eh. I'm supposed to be at home sa bahay namin sa Bulacan kapag ganitong off ako from work. But since we had dinner and we ended up getting home late, i'm not sure yet where to go. Masyado pa maaga, and i'm sure my mom's going to give me a hell of a time if I go home now, drunk” mahabang sabi ni Kyle halatang nangongonsensya, may pa-pout pout pa ng lips na parang bata. Natawa na lang ako sa pagmamaktol niya. Sakto naman at nakakita ako ng U-turn slot. Ibinaling ko na lang ang kotse at tinahak ang

daan papunta sa bahay.

“hoy! Saan tayo pupunta? Iwasan mo naman ang mag U-turn, nakakahilo...”

“Hahaha, I'm taking you home. That's what you want right?”

“Uy! That sounds fun. Hahahaha” sagot ni Kyle.

“Alam mo ang bata mo pa puro ka na kalokohan. Magpakabait ka nga.” saway ko sa kanya.

“Mabait pa nga ako nito e, wait 'til I go crazy. Mag-eenjoy ka.” sabay tingin sa akin.

“Don't stare.” there's something in the way he stares that makes me uncomfortable.

“Why?” he answered in a husky voice.

“Your making me hard.”

“Haha, really? Can I check?” maharot niyang sabi sabay akmang aabutin ang pagitan ng mga hita ko. Medyo kinagulat ko yun kaya, nag-swerve yung kotse. Mabuti na lang at wala masyadong sasakyan.

“Oh you bratt!!! You don't play your tricks on me while i'm driving. Your going to get us killed.” sagot ko na medyo hinihingal pa. Ngayon medyo nawala ang hilo ko.

“Hahaha, well who says you can't pull over? Sige na, tabi mo muna. Check lang natin kung matigas.”

“Please stop teasing me. Can't you wait for a bed at least?” I cant believe i'm saying these things to him. I'm just giving him more reason to continue doing what he is already doing. “I'm sorry Kyle, dapat hindi kita kinukunsinte sa ganitong gawain. Lasing ka lang kaya ka ganyan .”

“hahaha, CLASSIC. Hindi no.”

“I don't do one night stand.” pangbabara ko ulit kay Kyle.

“Then, let's do it again next week. I don't mind. Does that make me qualified now?” mabilis niyang sagot.

“You're not understanding.” sagot ko.

“No, I do understand. You're trying to be the good guy. You don't want to touch me, blah blah blah. But I know you're just as horny as I am right now. Don't be much of a hypocrite. And don't worry, i'm not going take it against you.”

Bullseye. Sapul na sapul. Hindi ako nakaimik sa sinabi niya. Parang may bumubulong sa akin na pumayag na ako, tutal wala namang mawawala sa akin. Naramdaman ko ang kamay ni Kyle na gumagapang sa aking hita. Hindi ko na kaya. Nakakita ako ng madilim na side ng daan. Agad akong pumarada doon. Tinanggal ko ang seat belt ko at dinukwang ko si Kyle para halikan.

Mapusok ang aming naging halikan. His lips were soft. Ang sarap halikan. And he knows what he is doing such a tease. Matapos ang halos tatlumpung segundong halikan ay kumalas siya sa akin para huminga.

“I thought we're going to wait for a bed?” sabi ni kyle na parang nagrereklamo sa pagiging aggressive ko.

“Let that bed wait for us. Let's do it here first. Now stop talking and start kissing me.” that's the last thing I said. After that it was just sounds of pleasure.

….to be cont'd...