Start Over 1

By: Alex Chua

http://alexander0506chua.blogspot.com/

Monday. 9:00am.

"This is it." sigaw ng aking isipan bago ako tuluyang pumasok sa pinto nang una kong klase. Wala pa noon ang aming Professor kaya nama'y walang humpay ang tsismisan at kamustahan ng aking mga magiging kaklase. Kitang kita ko kung gaano sila kasaya at gaano nila namiss ang isa't isa. Tawanan. Asaran. Kwentuhan.

Napatigil silang lahat at napalingon. Nakatayo ako sa may likuran. Lahat sila'y nakatitig at mga mata'y animo punong puno ng katanungan at pagsusuri. Tahimik. Napalunok ako at biglang pinagpawisan.

"Hi. Am I on the right room? Is this for System Architecture under Eng'r. Guengco?" Pambasag ko ng katahimikan.

"Yes. A-a-re you new here?" Tanong nang isa.

"I am, thanks."Pilit na ngiti.

Umupo ako sa may likuran at umaktong kunwari'y may hinahanap sa loob ng bag. Ang kaninang parang talipapa'y napalitan ng katahimikan. Lahat sila'y parang nasa loob na ng simbahan at pabulong bulong nang kanilang mga sariling dasal. May mga pasulyap sulyap at sabay ng pigil na tawa. Di ko mawari ano ang mayroon o sadya bang ganito lang talaga sila. Napabuntong hininga ako. Kinuha ko ang aking earpod mula sa aking bag at nagpasounds nalang muna habang hinihintay si Engineer. Napapikit ako at dinamdam ang kanta.

But the hardest part of letting go

is trying to find a way to let you know

We'll just cry,

cry on each others' shoulders

Cry until it's over

Can't it just be over

We'll just cry, cry,

Cry until it's all gone

We're holding on for too long

Time for us to move on

until we find the reason why

So let's just cry....

Napatigil ako sa pagmumuni muni nang may nangalabit sa akin, isa sa mga kaklase.

"Uy kailan pa kayo bumalik?"Aniya.

"I'm sorry?". Tangi kong nasagot.

"Si Jerome to. Kaklase mo nung Elementary."

"Jerome?"

"San Antonio. Anak ni Lorna, yung may tindahan sa tapat ng bahay niyo. Dati mong kalaro nung bata pa tayo."

"Jek-jek?"

"Oo tama." Sabay tawa.

"Uy, jekjek. Sorry di kita nakilala, tangkad tangkad mo na saka mamang mama na ah. Kamusta? Classmate pala ulit tayo. Haha"

"Haha. Ikaw nga diyan oh, artistahin. Ayos lang ako. Kailan kayo bumalik?"

"Last Thursday pa."

At nasa kakagitnaan kami ng kwentuhan nang mapalingon ako sa bintana. Isang grupo ng magkakaibigan ang padaan. Tatlong babae at tatlong lalake. Di maikakailang mukha silang mayayaman, magagara ang suot, magaganda at gwapo. Akala ko magiging kaklase ko rin sila lahat ngunit dalawang lalake lang at ang isang babae ang pumasok sa pintuan. Napansin ko ang isa sa kanila. He has this very expressive eyes, his lips are like made from Heaven. Idagdag mo pa ang muscular built, matangkad, maputi, wavy hair, halatang di purong pinoy, mas dominante kasi ang lahi nitong banyaga, but his smile, his smile can make you forget the world. Takte!

"Jek, sino sila?"

"Ah, yan yung Elite Group. Sobrang sikat nila dito sa campus. Paano, talented na, mayayaman at matatalino pa. Classmate natin yung tatlo sa kanila, si Joy Ann, yang papasok, si Alvin naman yung naka cap at si Tyler naman yung kano. Ingat ka sa kanong yan, minsan may pagkabully."

"Ah ganoon ba." Sabay lingon ulit ngunit laking gulat ko nang nakatayo na sa harapan ko itong Tyler.

"Hey, is there something on my face that you can't resist to stare at? I know I am Hot but you could've made it not so obvious. Sorry, I'm not Gay. Hahahahaha"

At lahat sila'y tumawa.

Halos ipanalangin kong lamunin nalang ako ng lupa sa mga oras na yun sa sobrang hiya. Alam ko pulang pula na ang mga pisngi ko. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. Gustong gusto ko nang lumabas ng classroom. Tama, alis nalang ako, total sobrang late naman na si Engineer. At bago pa man makatayo, ay siya namang dating ng aming prof.

"Good Morning Class...Sorry I'm late."

"Morning Sir." Sagot ng karamihan.

"Welcome back. How's your vacation guys? "

"Since, first day palang naman ng class. I wont be hard on you, at alam ko naman na isang block section lang ang Computer Engineering 4th year, sigurado akong kilalang kilala niyo na ang isa't isa. Wala nang Old school Orientation, just get a 1/4 piece of paper and write your..."

"Engineer, may bago po." Pangputol ng isa, sabay turo sakin. Napalingon sa pwesto ko ang lahat. Iba'y ngumingisi ngisi parin.

"Oh well, come here in front Mister and introduce yourself to your classmates." Dali dali naman akong tumayo at pumunta sa harapan.

"Hi, I am Alexander Chua. Call me Alex or Lex. 22 years Old, transferee from Adamson. Hope to be friends with you all." Sabay pilit na ngiti.

"Adamson, really? Why did you transfer? Knowing that She's the mother of CoE." Tanong ni Sir.

"It was for personal reasons, and If it's not that harsh Sir, I kinda like to keep it myself. Hope you don't mind." Yuko.

"No, It's okay. So where you staying Lex?"

"Hmmm, I am originally from here Sir, I mean, I was born here and studied my primary level in Saint Anthony, then, I was 13years old when my family moved to Manila, but we have a house in Del Monte Village Sir, that's where I'm staying at."

"your entire family moved back here?"

"Ah, No Sir, just Me."

"So, you're living alone? You have siblings Lex?"

"I'm with my Nanay Cleng, my childhood nanny. And yes, I have a brother, an older brother, he's in the US."

"Wow, what he's doing there?"

"He's in the Navy, Sir."

"That's awesome. One last question, why did your mom allow you to sacrifice your life there and moved you back here."

Buntong hininga.

"At first, It was hard for her , especially that I was the only family left with her here in the Philippines, coz my dad passed away 5 years ago. But i gotta do this for myself, my life there was going nowhere. I felt like I needed a new place, new environment, new faces to start over. Luckily, at the latter time, she saw and understood how badly I needed to go away, which I'm thankful, of course."

"Well, thank you Lex. I hope you find it here. Goodluck."

"Can I ask a question? " Singit ni Tyler, habang nakangisi. Di ako sumagot, at tinignan ko lang siya.

"You said, you went back here to start over,

Did you do drugs there?" sabay tawa.

"NO." Seryoso.

"Did you kill someone?"

"NO. "

"Oh, because of Family Drama, you lost your mind and started to see things that aren't really there.

were you institutionalized?"

"NO."

"If not, then maybe, just maybe...."

"You know what Mister.... Whatever your name is..."

"Tyler Pogi...The One and Only.."

"Well, Mister Po... Ehheemmm Is your last name really Po-(pause)-Gi? " lahat tawanan.

"Hahaha that's what they call me, right ladies?" Sabay kindat sa mga babae. Lahat naman sila'y parang nakakita ng artista at walang tigil ang tili.

"It's Green, Tyler Green." Sigaw ng aming Professor.

"Well, Mister Green, I came back here, like what I said, for personal reasons. And that, I believe, doesn't concern you at all. Or maybe, let's call it, none of your business. If you're in doubt of my intensions, by all means, I am giving you my full consent and authorization to go to Adamson's Admin and check for my records, and who knows, you might get surprised of what you're about to find out."

"that you're gay? Yeah, tell me, aren't you?" Lahat tahimik. Lahat nakatingin sa akin.

"Enough. You may take your... " si Sir.

"No Sir, I guess I can answer that..."

"I don't know how you define Gay. Because I got a wide perspective of being such, which is obviously totally opposite of your limited knowledge. If befriending and falling for someone without considering their gender will make me Gay, then I guess , Yes, I probably am Gay. But, like old clichéd belief, it is contagious, so I'm kinda wondering, with your actions and throwing questions towards quote unquote, "GAY like Me", why bothered you that much? did I just infect you? Did you just become one of us? And Oh by the way, about your question earlier, if there's something on your face that i couldn't resist staring at? yeah, I was actually wondering, why such face walks with no soul?" Tahimik. Palakpakan. Sigawan.

Alam ko nakabawi na ako, sa itsura palang niya, an angel turned demon. He blushed and I knew he was about to say something but his friend Joy Ann stopped him.

"So much for a start, that's enough. You may take your seat now Lex."

"Thank you Sir." Aking pagtatapos.

Lahat tahimik na nakinig. Diniscussed ni Sir ang outline ng course.

"Okay ka lang? Hayaan mo na siya. Ganyan talaga yang kano na yan. Pero bilib ako sayo ah, ikaw lang ang kauna unahang sumagot sa kanya ng ganyan."

Si jek-jek sabay tapik sa aking balikat.

"........" Ngumiti lang ako at hinintay matapos ang klase.

"Okay class, see you on Wednesday." Pagtatapos ni Sir.

Dali dali akong lumabas at hinanap ang restroom. Gusto ko maghilamos para mailabas ang sama ng loob na aking nararamdaman. I wanted this day to be memorable, (well,hindi ba?) I mean, not this way. After kong punasan ang tubig sa aking mukha, nakita ko sa salamin ang papasok sa pintuan, si Tyler. Sinara niya ang pinto. Kinabahan ako. Ano na naman kaya ang gagawin ng damulag na to? Akala ko susuntukin niya ako sa pagpapahiya ko sa kaniya sa klase. Pero lumapit lang siya, dahan dahan akong humarap sa kanya. Natatakot ako. He's staring at me, walking slowly towards me, closer and closer and closer.. Kinabahan ako at nanlamig. And when his face was only an inch away to mine, he smiled. He moved back and laughed.

"May araw ka rin sa akin." Sabay takbo palabas ng restroom. Imbes na magalit ako, natawa nalang. Marunong pala magtagalog ang tae. Pinahirapan pa ako. Haha "Bring it on, As5hole " Sigaw ng aking isip.