Sam

WARNING: This post contains explicit scenes and is not suitable for readers below 18.

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Part 1:

I was in my first year of college when I started to be a little enterprising about anything. I tried a little of cigarette and alcohol. And although I considered myself to be kind of aloof and picky when it comes to friends, I got a handful of close male friends with whom I would always hang around with.

Our favorite hangout was my place. My sister had this two-story house just opposite ours and her whole family moved to the big city for good. She left the house under my charge. It was a perfect hotbed for some nasty undertakings.

Well, actually, not really nasty. All I and my friends wanted was to share time and fun like go fishing or swimming in the nearby creek, harvest young coconut, sweet potato or banana, grill freshly harvested young corn, chicken from our livestock, or the fish we caught. And when there would be no class the following day we would either campfire in the middle of the coconut plantation, or stay indoor overnight and buy the province’ most popular drink, “tuba”.

One day, the group gathered in my place and we decided to have a drink indoors. As usual, we talked and discussed about matters of the day as a glass of wine would be passed around for each turn of drink. It was already past midnight when we felt the intoxication in our blood and decided to call it a day. As usual, we all went to the second floor which, as always, served as our barrack. Everyone lay on the floor, side by side.

The light was turned off for the big sleep.

Suddenly, Sam who lay beside me shouted, “I love you Ma’am Cathy, how can you be mine!”

Everyone burst into laughter, “Yeah, she’s damn beautiful!” the other guys agreed in unison.

Sam was the oldest guy in our group. He was 19, well-built, tall, intelligent, and handsome. The truth is many girls had a crush on him. For his good looks, he earned the title “campus crush”.

Cathy was our teacher in Psychology. She was new to the campus, just 23 years old, smart, and really beautiful. She had a long hair, a fair complexion, and was very trendy. While everyone admired her smartness, all the boys adored and fantasized her beauty.

“Have you seen her this morning sitting in front of the class? Gee, my eyes were glued straight in between her legs! And while she was discussing about the Sigmund Freud thing, my mind was focused on screwing her up right there! Ah... shit! I was so turned on I could ejaculate just in front of her!“ Sam said showing off an air of frustration.

“Hahahahahaha!” We all laughed. “Really?”

“Yeah, and I think I’m in love with her! Every time she looks at me and calls me to recite, damn! I would just melt there and forget all about all my answers. And all my mind could say is that ‘Ma’am, psychology is having sex with you – a lot! Hmm! I wish she were here with me nowwwwwww, uhhhhhhhh Cathy, Cathyyyyyy.....” as he hugged me tight, pushed his hard-on on me and kissed my cheek playfully imagining that I was his “Cathy”.

***

Part 2

And then I added teasing him, “Suddenly, our Theology professor Father Bernard appeared, sprinkling you with the holy water shouting fiercely, ‘The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you...!’”

“Arrrggggggghhhhhh!! Shittttt! What’s the matter with you, Geoff? What does Father Bernard have to do with this? You’re ruining the story! You’re ruining my damn concentration!” Sam snapped.

Everyone burst into laughter.

“Don’t you know I’m almost there? Arrggggghhhh! Shiiitttt! Ok, now continue without the damn sprinkling of the holy water... please?” Sam pleaded.

“Ok... as Miss Cathy sat on the edge of your bed gently touching your hair, nose, and face as you lie there, she finally reaches for your pants and unzips it, then... her fingers touch your manhood,” Sam hurriedly unzipped and released his hard-on. “She feels it... it’s warm, very hard, and throbbing. She holds your hand and in an alluring voice she whispered into your ears, ‘Sam, touch me; touch every part of my body. I’m so steamy and so wet inside, and I’m all yours. Do it now, Sam. Please…’”

Sam moved his hand...on me! He was actually touching me! I was stupefied! But as I was also intensely affected by my own story, I let him, and continued...

“You touch her breasts and run your fingers there, feel it, press it... harder and harder. Then you run your hand on her neck, face, nose, lips... Miss Cathy keeps moaning, ‘ahhhhhh, ahhhhhhh! Oh, Sam you’re so goooood, ohhhhhhh!’ Your fingers manipulate her breasts again; fondle them, press them, and hold her nipples. Then you move your hand down to her stomach, her navel, stay there for a while, then down... down... down”

Sam followed everything I said doing it all on me as I was totally carried away with the overflowing sensation.

“Down Sam, some more, more... and yeah” Sam moved his hand underneath my brief and held my hard-on! I couldn’t believe he was so horny and in a trance-like state I could ask him to do everything! And as I lay there on my back, I hurriedly unzipped my pants to let him stroke freely my dick!

“Ahhhhhh”, I moaned now forgetting all about Miss Cathy. “Yeah, Sam, I like it, yeah... oh God, I like it, ahhhhhhh!” I whispered into Sam’s ear as he continued to stroke me.

Suddenly Sam took my hand and led it to his hard-on. I obliged hesitatingly. I tried to turn my head to our other friends in the room to check if they were sleeping or watching us. But all I could see were silhouettes... and they’re moving – all of them are masturbating!

So I stroked Sam’s hard-on too as he did mine, “Ahhhhh! Ahhhhhh!” as our moans filled the room.

I was in a state of ecstasy when another surprise struck me – Sam positioned himself on top of me and kissed me on the lips! I thought he was just carried away by his intoxication and the “Cathy” story so I let him played his tongue on my lips and my mouth as he continued to stroke my hard-on. Then he kissed my neck, my chest, and when he sucked my nipples, I couldn’t control the tickling sensation, “Ahhhhh, Ahhhhhh, am coming Sam, Ahhhhhhhhh! as he accelerated stroking me.

Anticipating that Sam was on the verge of orgasm, I rubbed his dick so hard until he grasped my head to press our mouths together..... “Ugggggghhhhhhh, Ummmmmmmmmm! Ahhhhhhhh!” Sam moaned as we reached the climax almost at the same time.

Our semen splattered all over my body.

It was late in the morning when I and everyone awoke. To my surprise, Sam was not there by my side anymore. My nephew said he asked permission from my Mom to go ahead while everyone was still asleep.

“Ah, maybe he had an urgent thing to attend to” I said to myself. I thought everything was ok.

But on the following class days, Sam seemed to avoid me and never talked nor come with the group anymore. Even in our Psychology class where he would always sit at the front-most seat just opposite Miss Cathy, he sat at the backmost seat, preferring to be all alone, silent and sometimes in a deep thought.

I knew something was wrong.

So one afternoon when he was in the library, I approached him. “Hey, can I talk with you for a moment?” I told him in a somewhat raised tone.

“I am running out of time, Geoff and really busy...” he answered back, as if wanting to leave me there.

“Well, if you are busy then I won’t disturb you. But I would just say this: our group misses you a lot and things are different when you are not there. We are your friend, and if you consider us to be, then nothing should come between us, even if we do weird, nasty or stupid things together. We have the right to know what is bothering you and what keeps you from coming with us. You are the eldest in our group and you know it better Sam. Now if you decide to leave us, then it’s all up to you. But remember, we suffer as much as you do...” And showing my disappointment, I hurriedly turned to leave.

“Geoff!” Sam called out. “Can you stay with me for a while? There is something I would like to tell you” as he gathered his notebooks, stood up and said, “Let’s go to the campus botanical garden. It’s nice there...I can tell you what’s in my stupid mind.”

When we reached the botanical garden, I immediately sat down on the grassy part under the shade of the acacia. “OK, tell me what is in your stupid mind!” I kind of tease him.

He was still serious. He sat down on the grass beside me. “Geoff, you know how obsessed I am with Ma’am Cathy, right?”

“Everyone knows that... so, yeah!” I answered philosophically.

“And... do you still remember that night when we were intoxicated and something happened to us?”

“With the ‘Cathy story’ yeah! And where is this story leading?” I asked impatiently.

“It’s true and I admit it, I’m so obsessed with Ma’am Cathy that all I want is to see her every moment of the day. But when that incident with the two of us happened, it added to my confusion.”

“Shittt! You were bothered by what we did? Yeah, I’m affected too but it’s not like I would kick butts or junk my friend?! Things happen between friends, you know, and the crazier the happening, the deeper is the friendship, right?” I explained to assure him I was fine.

“Geoff, you don’t see the point. It’s not it. Yeah, I’m damn guilty, and I accept responsibility for what happened. But as I am crazy with Ma’am Cathy, what we did just sticks to my mind and it comes back over and over!”

“So...?”

“So, I still feel it, dammit! And I couldn’t get over with it... with you!” Sam shouted like he was on the verge of crying, avoiding contact with my eyes.

“I still don’t understand your point Sam, what’s the big deal?” raising my voice in confusion.

Sam paused for a while then held my shoulders and looked at me, “That... I think I feel something for you, Geoff; that... I love you!!! That’s the big deal, and now, you understand! Are you happy now?” as tears finally rolled down his cheeks, sobbing in front of me like a kid.

I was stupefied. I thought I would laugh and shout to the whole world, “Hey everyone! The campus prince charming is in love with me – hahahahaha!” But all I could do was look at him in pity. I did not know what to say. “But... what about Miss Cathy?”

“That’s why I’m confused, Geoff; really, really messed up. I’m so ashamed with you and our group and I don’t understand what’s going on with me. I love Ma’am Cathy, but I don’t know why I also think of what happened to us... of me!” He wiped his tears.

“As I told you, Sam, it’s no big deal. But if something is bothering you, I can’t help it except to understand... I got to admit, I liked what we did. But that is only up to that, and nothing more. As a friend, I like you – so much. But I don’t know if I could be capable of feeling something beyond that. That is to be honest.” I said in an air of seriousness. And I continued to make him laugh, “But... if you decide to court me, just give me some time, or maybe some chocolates will do”.

Sam smiled. “You are stupid and crazy!” He paused and released a sigh. “Yeah, if only I could... But I can’t imagine myself having to court another guy! Shittt!”

“That would be my greatest achievement! Imagine, the campus idol is courting me? It’s like winning the Mr. Universe title! Hahahaha!” I answered sarcastically.

Sam was silent. “Maybe it would help if I would just stay away from the group for awhile until I can sort things out and be ready to get back with you, guys...”

“And I thought you would court me...” still teasing him.

“Geoff, please... I am serious”

Ok, I’m sorry. Whatever is your decision, go for it. We will be there to support you. Remember, the group is waiting for you, especially me.”

Then he gave me a big hug, did our fraternal handshake, and said goodbye.

“And by the way, you keep our secret, promise me!” He added.

“Yes Sir!”

***

Part 3

About two months had passed since Sam avoided the group. Everyone missed his company, but all I could tell the group was that Sam had a problem which he needed to deal on his own. No one knew the real reason for his change of heart except me.

For two months, Sam never talked with me nor made any contact. Whenever we meet at the corridor or library, we just say “Hi” and that’s it. There was my best friend simply zipping past through me like we were both strangers. It was like stupid. Every time it happens, I would always feel the urge to come and talk with him like we used to. But pride overwhelmed me.

Even in our psychology class, he never sat near us anymore. He seemed like a different person, so far away I couldn’t reach.

Day by day, I felt as if something was lacking. I couldn’t understand myself especially when I remember what Sam confided me the last time we talked at the school’s botanical. That episode just kept coming back to my mind, “Geoff... I feel something for you!” It was breaking my heart.

One week into the first semestral break, Ma’am Cathy called him after class, “Sam, please remain, I’d like to talk with you.” And they gesticulated something I could not figure out.

I could hear my heart throbbing fast. “Did Sam court Miss Cathy and they would be talking about it?” My mind screamed. “And why should I feel jealous? God! Arrgggg! I’m damn confused!”

The following day, I managed to sneak a note into Sam’s notebook, “Sam, can I talk to you - Botanical Garden, 4pm today?”

But Sam did not show up. That night, I cried. I was angry with myself, I was confused, and I did not even know why I was angry nor why did I cry. “Is this the feeling that Sam felt for me too?” My mind protested.

It was the last day of class for that semester when I chanced upon a short note inserted into my notebook, “I’m free at 3pm today, Botanical Garden”.

It was from Sam! I was so excited.

At 3 pm, I was already at the garden seated at the grassy part under the shade of the acacia, the same place two months ago when Sam confided his feeling for me. There was a deep feeling of nostalgia.

“So sorry I’m late!” Sam called out from my back. “I thought I would pass by the canteen and buy something for us to eat while we talk. And it’s my treat for you too” he said as he showed me the two cans of soft drinks and some junk foods. He was still gasping, standing there in front of me with a big grin on his face.

Since my friendship with Sam, that was the first time I noticed and appreciated his looks. He was so gorgeous in his jeans and Nike sneakers, white printed sweats with two blue stripes on both arms; his well-built body and pronounced chest showing off. His hair was long, thick and well-groomed, his uniform set of teeth sparkled, his red lips, magnetizing eyes, dimples, and good-looking face were inviting. But his killer weapon was his alluring and infectious smile. I was simply dumbfounded.

“No wonder everyone calls him the campus crush” I murmured.

“Hey, will you just be staring at me?” He teased.

He laid down the drinks and foods on the grass, sat beside me, and extended his hand in our fraternal hug-shake.

“I can’t believe you’re here! I thought you would ignore my note...” I said

“Why would I ignore...?” he butted, “Me, to ignore Mr. Geoffrey Lopez, the cutest guy in the whole campus and the third most intelligent person in this College? Hahaha!” He sarcastically laughed explaining that my name was already at the honors list posted that afternoon. “You are my best friend and even if you are not in the top list of whatever, nothing can change that. The truth is I am so happy that you sent me that note. I am dying to talk to you like this!”

“The group misses you a lot!”

“Wow!” He paused as he naughtily looked me in the eyes. “But… no one particular person in the group?”

“Hahahahaha! If you mean me, Sam, of course I missed you – more than anyone else!”

“Really! Hmmm, keeping myself away paid up, huh! So what is it that you want to tell me, Mr. Lopez?” as he lay on the grass placing his head on my lap, playfully tossing a few crackers into his mouth and sipped his drink.

“I don’t know how to start...” I paused for a while. And in a serious tone, “Do you still remember that time when you told me you had a feeling for --”

“Yeah...yeah!” He cut. “Before I forget, I have a good news first: Ma’am Cathy and I are already in a relationship! Yessssss!”

“What?!!! How did it happen?” I yelled removing his head from my lap in a veiled gesture of protest. My mood suddenly changed like I was hit by a thunderbolt. There was a sudden surge of grief, pain, jealousy, and helplessness. I could feel tears looming in my eyes.

“I risked sending her letters since a month ago, she replied to all my letters! And last week, we talked over it and that’s it!”

“As simple as that? Damn! She is so easy! Don’t you think Miss Cathy could be culpable of unprofessional, unethical, or immoral conduct in having a romantic relation with her student? She could be fired by the school, or... she could even be charged with corruption of minor!” I reasoned.

“Hahahahaha! Corruption of minor, very funny...” He laughed emphasizing the words ‘corruption of minor’. “You’re kidding, right?”

“No!”

“Oh Geoff, you are overreacting again...” He scratched his head, knowing my non-concurrence to his news. “First, I am nineteen and Cathy is only 22; second, she is single and so am I; and third, what’s the use of the word ‘secret’ Geoff? We agreed to keep it, and it’s only you whom I have told this. Aren’t you happy for me?”

“Yeah, I am... and shit! Congratulations!” clasping his hand with some hesitation. “How about that... something you told me, your feelings... for me.” I asked, controlling the looming tears in my eyes.

Sam paused for a moment, looked down and as if he did not hear me, asked, “What is it again that you want to tell me?”

“Oh, forget that stupid thing!” I just wanted to know what happened to you and your Cathy. That’s all!” I answered, with deep anguish inside me.

But Sam was insensitive or he just played innocent. “So, well... this calls for a celebration, right? - That I’m back; that you’re in the honor’s list; and that Cathy and I are in a relation. And since there is no class tomorrow, we will do it in your place tonight! What do you say, Geoff?”

I felt a mix of emotions to his proposal – anger, and happiness of having him back. I thought I would pass yelling, “Celebration... your face!” But the excitement of having him back prevailed.

“...With the two of us only?”

“Why not? All the other jerks have gone to their places already coz tomorrow starts the semestral break! Yesssss!” He was damn happy.

***

Part 4

In my place that night, Sam did all the dinner preparations. “This is my treat Geoff, my way of compensating for what you missed in two months. So let me do everything.”

“OK, you’re the boss!” I said.

Sam was always like that. Even with the group during our bonding, outing, or picnicking, he would take the initiative to do whatever he thought needed to be done. He would cook, grill, fry, wash dishes, carry something, gather firewood, or buy anything... He was full of energy, teamwork, and diligence.

When everything was done, he called me, “Jan-jarannnnn! There you go! The word for tonight is ‘grilled’: grilled chicken, grilled fish and grilled squid complete with sauce, tomatoes, onions and hot pepper, your all-time favorite!”

He reached for his knapsack and took one huge candle, lit it and placed it at the middle of the table. He took another item – a streamer with the words, “To the Best Friendship of Sam and Geoff!” He posted it on the wall.

“Wowwwww! How romantic – GRRRRRRRR!” I sarcastically remarked. “Don’t tell me you have roses for me too!”

“Hahahahahaha!” We both laughed, as he pulled out one chair and guided for me to sit on.

After our dinner, we drank at the terrace. As usual we talked about those normal things in school, what the group did when he was not with us, our plans for the next semester and for the future.

It was past 10 when we already felt the intoxication in our blood. The topic moved to some controversial ones.

“Sam, do you really love Miss Cathy?” I asked in a serious tone.

“Of course I do...” as he gulped the whole content of alcohol in his glass, and then another one.

“What happened to... your feelings for me? I’m sorry I brought this out again. I know you ignored this question in the garden.”

“Yeah, I intentionally ignored it. But you know, Geoff, I’ve promised myself not to talk about it anymore... what for? It’s not helping nor leading to anything. And even if it would lead to something, I wouldn’t want it. I just can’t... and I hope you would respect that.”

“What for...? You mean you lied to me when you said that?”

“I did not lie, Geoff and I’m not a liar! Just remember, I have never told you any lies!” he said raising his voice.

“Then why can’t you tell me straight if you still have that damn feeling?” I asked him in an equally raised voice.

“I can’t say anything and there is nothing to say! Look Geoff, I have swallowed my pride in saying that to you. Wasn’t that enough already? What more do you want? If you want to know, why can’t you just feel it, ok? How about this: do you understand why I still come here? Did you not notice I sent you a note just today and chose this timing, our last day of school and without the intrusion of our other friends? Did you not see that damn candle and streamer I was bringing with me in my bag for that stupid dinner? If you still don’t feel it, then you don’t deserve to be in that stupid honor’s list, Mr. Lopez, coz you’re an idiot! God…! If you only knew how my heart broke when I was away from you!” Sam shouted, laid his head on the table and sobbed.

I was glued there for a moment. I could not say anything, realizing how selfish, insensitive, and judgmental I was. I thought I knew Sam that much already.

“Yeah, you’re right Sam I just have to feel it, and understand...” I said to myself.

Then he went to the toilet and threw out. He was so intoxicated he could not walk straight back. So we stopped drinking and I helped him to bed... I wiped and cleaned his face, removed his shoes, socks, shirt, and changed his pants with my spare shorts.

As I watched him lay there, I couldn’t help admiring his sculpted abs with his fine black hairs lining down from his navel towards underneath his brief, his fair smooth skin, his robust chest and well-formed biceps, his lips, thick long hair, pointed nose, immaculate face. He looked so naive and perfect. The sight of him just took my breath away. “Here is this guy – so lively, full of vigor and whom many people so love and idolize but now lying vulnerably and seemingly lifeless in front of me,” I murmured and released a deep sigh.

I turned off the lights, lay on the bed beside him.

A few minutes later, he woke up, turned to me, hugged me and arched his legs over my midsection. He did not say anything. He just moved his head towards me; his lips searched mine. I kissed him back. It was long and passionate. We relished every moment of it, playing our tongues in our mouths together.

We ran our hands and lips to every part of our body – the face, the neck, the chest, the stomach... everywhere. We savored every contact of our flesh, every touch of our skin, every breath we took together, filling the room with our moans as the cries of the cicadas and other nocturnal creatures filled the silence outside. And, when we both reached the summit, our moans got stronger, and stronger, and stronger. “Ahhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhh!”

When we were done, we took some rest and, did it again – a few times over until we lay flat on the bed in complete exhaustion.

Then he faced me, twiddled his hands on my cheek, his eyes overflowed with passion. “Geoff, I’m sorry I was angry. But I got to tell you this: I love you. I really do!”

My fingers reached for his mouth and covered it, “Shhhhhh, you don’t have to say it, Sam; I felt it already“

He pressed his lips against mine and the room was filled with our moans again...

***

Part 5

Semestral break came. Three times in a week, Sam would visit me and sleep in my place. As his place was 25 kilometers away, he would come by his motorbike. Sometimes we would go places: to the park, beach, visit friends or his place, or just stay in my place swimming in the creek, fishing or picnicking together with my cousins. It was one of my happiest school breaks.

One day during the last week of the break, Sam’s parents invited me to a dinner. His parents knew I was their son’s best friend and they treated me like a family member.

At the dinner table, Sam’s father asked me, “I heard you are in the top three honor’s list, Geoff, congratulations! Keep it up!” then turning to Sam, “But how about Sam in school? I observed he was not doing as much as I expected. And I heard there’s one teacher there whom he has a crush with? I hope she’s not the reason for his dull performance. Is he courting her?”

“A, er...” I was gasping for words to say.

“Dad, don’t bring this topic here please?” Sam intervened in a pleading tone.

“Sam, I am asking Geoff. I just want to be sure that you are doing your best to study” his Dad answered, then turned to me. “So, Geoff is this true?”

Sam seated opposite me winked his eyes and gestured like he wanted me to say “no” and to cut the conversation. But I proceeded to answer his Dad’s question. “A... for the crush, yes Sir. It’s Miss Cathy, our psychology professor. But everyone has a crush on her too including all our friends...”

“How old is she?”

“Dad, please...” Sam pleaded for his father to stop the conversation about Cathy.

I looked at Sam. He stooped in disappointment sensing I would answer the question anyway. “Miss Cathy is nearly 23 but she looks younger.”

Then in an air of suspicion, his Dad asked again, “Geoff, does Sam visit you almost everyday? Coz there are times Sam doesn’t sleep here all night and there are times too that he comes at already dawn... and when I would ask him, it’s always your name he mentions”

I was stunned by the question coz Sam hadn’t visited me everyday and if ever he sleeps in my place, he would not leave at dawn. I looked at Sam. He was equally stunned and could not look at me. Then he suddenly stood up and walked out in protest.

“Sam! Where are you going?” His mom and dad inquired.

Sam didn’t answer and proceeded to walk. After a few minutes, we heard his motorcycle run.

“See that? He is a different person now! I don’t even know if he’s my son! I have been observing him acting strange these past few months. He has changed in everything! He is absent-minded, his grades are low, and he is always out. I don’t know what’s going on with him!”

“We should understand Sam, Bert. He is in that age. It should be tough on him...” Sam’s mom pacified.

But I reasoned to cover Sam even if there was anguish in me and a feeling of betrayal. “A.. er, Sir, Sam comes to my place normally on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays... but maybe he visits our other friends too!”

“I hope that what you said is true, Geoff coz there was a time I heard him talking with someone over the phone and it was this ‘Cathy’”

I felt like an insult was added into my injury. My anguish amplified, and I wanted to smack Sam so hard in the face to at least let him feel my pain. I felt like my world turned upside down. I thought I would leave right there and then. But civility prevailed over me.

After an hour, Sam came back. Sam’s parents wanted me to stay overnight but my feeling of disgust so overwhelmed me that I thought it was not a good thing to do. So I asked to be excused and they asked Sam to send me home on his motorbike.

The more my anger grew. But I had no choice, lest Sam’s parents might suspect. And as Sam started his motorbike he shouted, “Mom, I’ll stay overnight at Geoff’s place!”

On the way, I couldn’t control myself yelling, “Why did you use me, Sam?!!! Why did you not tell me everything?!!! What have I done wrong to deserve this?!!!...”

Sam yelled back, “We will talk this over in your house, ok?!”

But I did not stop, “I want it now, Sam, tell me why? I want an explanation now! Why? Why?!!!” hitting his back with my fist.

Sam absorbed my punch but did not move nor give an answer. Instead, he drove the motorcycle at full speed that even in curves he wouldn’t slow down. I held myself tightly to his body in total panic. “What are you doing?!!!”

“It is better if we die together now!” Sam shouted at the peak of his voice.

So I shut up and kept my silence until we arrived. I did not talk to him. I went directly to my room and dropped myself flat on the bed as Sam followed me without saying a word.

He sat on the edge of the bed. Then stooping and in a poignant and hesitant tone said, “Geoff... I am so sorry for what I did. I did not tell you I was with Cathy too because I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t know what to do... I’m so confused. Everyday, I think of you, and then I think of Cathy. The truth is I try to force myself to forget you, and have happy relations with Cathy. But you are always there and I don’t understand... I can’t think straight, I don’t even know how to get you out of my mind....” he narrated as tears rolled down his cheeks.

And I cried there listening to him, but I just let him talk.

“Dad was right. I have changed, and he doesn’t understand me. But only if I understand what’s happening to me too... It’s like everyone is against me now, even my family. And I am even afraid to face the future!” He finally broke down sobbing.

My anger gradually melted and replaced by compassion. I held his hand. He hugged me tight. He was still sobbing.

“You are the only person left who understands me, Geoff. I don’t want to lose you, so please I’m sorry. Don’t be mad at me!” Sam pleaded.

I stroked his hair and kissed his cheek. “I understand now Sam, don’t worry.” I returned his hug.

We stayed in that position for a couple of minutes, just hugging, caressing, feeling each other’s presence, and assuring ourselves that we will not let each other down.

I stood up and took two bottles of beer and we drank. As our emotions subsided, Sam initiated a conversation, “There is something I would like to tell you, Geoff...”

“Go ahead.”

“Do you still remember that time when you asked about my feelings for you and I ignored it?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s about us, our status; that... even if we do sex together, all I want is the friendship, no matter how emotionally involved we are to each other. Friendship lasts, Geoff... and it’s all I want.

“What do you mean?”

“Remember I told you we just need to feel and to trust each other without necessarily saying ‘I love you’? Coz it’s the best thing to do. I don’t want you to commit yourself with me... not because I don’t want it. God! If you only knew how I wished I could shout to the whole world I love you and you are my... boyfriend. But, I can’t coz if I do, I will be ruining our lives and our future. Geoff, you are intelligent, a student council member, and even have the potential to be council president. Many people admire you, look up to you, trust you. You have a clean image in the campus, a model student. Can you imagine yourself if one day someone asks straight to your face, ‘Geoff, is it true that Sam is your boyfriend?’ Can you stand that? And this, don’t you dream of having a family of your own one day, and have kids...? Everyone wants it Geoff, and you are stupid if you don’t. And all I want is when we reach that point in our lives, we are still there for each other, care for each other, support each other, feel the love, the trust and the friendship... don’t you want that?”

I couldn’t say a word for what Sam had said. His words hit me hard and pierced deep into my heart. There was shock, an unexplained feeling of guilt and self-pity. Then tears filled my eyes and sobbed there as Sam gave me a hug and a pat in my back.

“But how about us, Sam... how about me?” I asked in a deep sense of insecurity.

“Nothing changes, Geoff, with you and me. Everything we did, we still do. I won’t stop coming here, and if there is still a part of me in your heart, I am just here. Nothing changes... I promise. As I said, we just don’t have to say ‘I love you’; we just have to feel it”, as he took my hand and guided it into his chest, “You have a part here in my heart, Geoff, do you feel it?”

I held my hand on his chest for a long time and felt its beat..., “Yeah, I can feel it Sam, I can feel it”

Sam never said anymore words. He hugged me tight and pressed his lips against mine. Then we both lay on the bed, full of energy and desire. We removed our clothes, savor the electrifying touch of our flesh, and fathom the depths and the heights of our raging emotions.

And then again, the room was filled with the sounds of our moans...

***

Part 6 (Last Part)

School days came and having Sam back with the group, everything was normal; of course, except for the secret relations of Sam and me, and Sam and Cathy. No one knew that secret. As usual, the group would go to my place on some weekend get-together; swimming at the creek, catching fish, going on a picnic, do our assignments together, or drink our favorite “tuba”, a native coconut wine. And if the group would not come to my place, Sam will come alone and stay with me. Everything was just perfect.

But few days into the next semestral break Sam & Miss Cathy’s relationship was exposed. It spread like a wildfire in the campus. And the worst thing was that Miss Cathy was pregnant!

I was stunned. So I thought of confronting Sam about it. In the evening, Sam came and just as he stepped into the living room he said, “Geoff, I think you heard the rumor already...”

“What rumor?” I asked playing innocent.

“...About Cathy and me. And she’s pregnant. This morning the School Director terminated her employment.” Sam said anxiously.

I didn’t know if I would be angry or would pity him. But the thought of losing him stuck to my mind. “So what is your plan now?”

“I don’t know? If this reaches my Dad and Mom, surely they will be furious. Secondly, I don’t know how Cathy will handle all these; her life is in a mess, she has no more job... and it’s all because of me!”

“Yeah, there’s no one to blame, Sam but you. Coz you are stupid and self-centered. And all you want is for people to understand you. You don’t care about me, and you don’t care about my feelings!” I yelled at him.

“God! Do I have to tell you, everything Geoff? We talked about this already. I told you all about this... do you need to know when, where and how Cathy and I had sex together? When you learned that Cathy and I had a relationship, what did you expect us to do – say the rosary or the novena in her room, ha?!” Sam raised his voice.

“Yeah, but I told you to be careful and responsible, Sam! And you can have a relationship with her without sex! See what happens now – it’s all because of your stupidity!” I blamed him.

“Yeah, I got your point, Geoff and everyone’s stupid points. Now what? You want me to kill myself? I accept responsibility for all of these, it’s my fault. What do I need to do in order to get my life back, our lives back, Geoff; it’s what I want to know! Shit!!” Sam yelled.

I paused for sometime. “I don’t know Sam... It’s not easy...”

“Geoff, everyone is pointing fingers on me and Cathy, even my family now... It’s only you who understand me and who could give me guidance. Please be there for me.”

“Yeah, Sam, I know. It’s what you have always told me, just to feel you, and to understand you...” I said in an air of self-pity and sarcasm. Then I paused in deep thought, flashed my mind back to where Sam and I had started and discerned. And with a sense of deep sadness and self-denial, I gathered my whole strength to say the harshest and most masochistic advice, “You marry her, Sam, you marry Ma’am Cathy.” Then I went straight to my room to avoid Sam from seeing me cry.

Sam was stunned there to hear such words from me. After a few minutes, he followed to my room, sat on the edge of my bed and caressed my hair. “Geoff, you don’t have to say that. I will try my best to find a way that I can’t marry Cathy...”

“Then you are running away from your responsibility, Sam.”

“No... only to delay it until I am ready for it. I will persuade Cathy and my parents that I got to finish my studies first and let us see what happens then...”

I was temporarily relieved by what Sam said. But my thoughts went for Miss Cathy; will she allow it considering her situation? And knowing that Sam’s parents are deeply religious...? “I don’t know Sam, I don’t know...” I said worrying about such a possibility.

Sam didn’t stay long that night. He was so worried about things and what could be the reaction of his parents upon knowing the situation.

The following day, Sam never went to school. I just learned that he was suspended until the end of the semester and will just be given special arrangements to comply with the requirements for the finals. Like Miss Cathy, he was nowhere to be seen in the Campus. It was an incomplete student life without Sam. And not knowing what happened to him added to my anxiety.

On the night of the last day of school, Sam came to my house. He looked very sad, and his eyes as if he had never slept for nights. His vigor, happy disposition and strong enthusiasm for life had gone. I was worried.

“Geoff, they have already decided everything. Cathy and I will get married on Sunday next week; after the marriage we will go to Cathy’s province so Cathy can find a job there; father will continue to shoulder my education in her province until I finish my course...” Then he added, “I want you to be there on my wedding, Geoff; you will be my best man and all the other friends are my groom’s men.”

It was like my world had collapsed instantly and I stopped breathing; I felt a knife cut my heart into pieces and my dreams and aspirations blew apart. Tears immediately filled my eyes.

“They decided it for you, Sam? What did you say? You told me you will try to convince them not to marry Cathy yet...”

“It was my father’s choice, Geoff... and he was furious, I couldn’t say any word. You know Dad when he is angry...”

Then in all humility and understanding amidst tremendous feeling of loss and devastation, I hugged Sam as he hugged me. We cried together, hang on to each other like two helpless and wounded people, victims of circumstances and events and with whom the world had disdained and judged. We stayed in that position for a long time.

Then we drank, releasing all the bitterness inside. And when we were already intoxicated, we made love like it would be our last time together. We kissed passionately like we had never kissed before; we felt and relish the presence of each other and we hugged like there’s no tomorrow.

It was late in the afternoon when Sam decided to leave. Before he left, “Geoff always remember this: whatever happens, you will always have a part in my heart.” as he removed his white gold left earring, and next his jacket and shirt. Then from his jacket, he took a pocket bible. “Take these items, Geoff and keep these so you will remember me always...” handing them to me.

I took the items. Then I removed my shirt and my silver bracelet, “I want you to take these also, Sam. Please keep them, and take care of them...”

Sam put on the shirt I gave him, slid the bracelet into his pocket and then caressing my cheek, “Geoff, in case a time comes when I am not there and you would want me, just press your hand to your chest and feel your heartbeat, coz when you feel it’s beating, you know that my heart beats with it too.” Then he took my hand and guided it into his chest, assuring me of his undying feeling.

I felt his heartbeat, and I nodded, as tears again flowed into my eyes. Then I kissed him, hugged him and we did our fraternal handshake.

Wedding day came. In spite of my mind screaming for me not to show up, I bravely stood there as Sam’s best man, as I promised. But I did it not just for my promise; I did it also for the thought that being Sam’s best man I should be the first person to be there for Sam, no matter what happens. That was my only consolation. But it was so tough being there, having to pretend I was happy when deep down, my heart bled and grieved. I couldn’t explain my feeling. It was like I died over and over. And every time someone would greet Sam and Cathy, “Congratulations!” I felt my heart was ripped apart.

In the altar, Sam looked so magnificent and so good-looking in his black suit and dark pants as he stood there waiting for Cathy. His hair was clean shaven as a protest, although he still looked equally dazzling as he was with his long hair. When I looked at his wrist, there was my bracelet. I looked at Sam’s eyes; they were tough hiding the strong pent-up feelings that tortured him inside. He was like a person whose body was there, but whose spirit flew away... with mine.

When the priest finally asked him if he would take Cathy as his wife, there was something in me that could explode any moment. Sam looked behind him and searched his eyes. And when our eyes met, I pressed my hand into my chest, feeling my heartbeat, “Sam, I can feel you here...” I murmured. But when Sam finally said, “I do” my tears just flowed down uncontrollably.

After the wedding, I asked to be excused telling everyone that I did not feel well. Sam wanted me to stay, to be with our group, but I told him it would not help me to stay there with a pretense smile.

I locked myself in the room. In the evening, I could not sleep. I imagined that while I stayed there on my bed alone, there was Sam and Cathy together. My mind flashed back those days when I first met Sam, when he told me his feelings under the shade of the acacia and how I laughed at him for that; how I turned to fall in love with him later; when we would be alone together as if the world belonged to us; when he gave me that candlelight dinner with the streamer; when we had our little arguments which would end up in hugging and pacifying each other; when I would ride with him on his motorbike and he would intentionally drive fast so I would lock myself tightly into his body; all the things which made us laugh and cry together. Those were still fresh on my mind. And as the bed I was lying down was a testament to our love, my hands spread to search for his body. But he was not there anymore. My tears just kept flowing...

I went to my locker and took Sam’s shirt and jacket and wore them. I wore his earring too. But still, I was craving for more.

Then my mind was focused on the bible that Sam gave me. I read it... over and over, reflecting the words that might give me the answers as to why I should suffer, or let go of the one I love, and why it should happen to me and Sam. It did not give me the direct answers. But it helped ease my feeling to know that life was full of trials and obstacles, and of pain and sufferings, and that my suffering could probably be little compared with someone’s suffering out there. I did not know how long I had stayed in that position. But I just thanked God that I made it through the next day.

The next semester started without Sam and Miss Cathy. I felt like I was a new-born person studying in an unfamiliar school, except for the acacia tree at the botanical garden which always reminded me of Sam. There was a feeling of nostalgia and kind of disorientation.

But gradually, I managed to fully let go and accept what happened.

As for Sam, he continued to exchange updates and greetings with me and the group. And true to his promise, he would visit me in my place in every opportune time whenever he gets to my province. And when his first baby was baptized, the whole group visited him, and I was one of the godfathers.

Two years later, I was elected student council president as Sam had thought I would one day be. And during my victory party, Sam attended as one of my special guests. But at that time, I already moved on. In fact, I had already a girlfriend with whom I gladly introduced to Sam, who also happily approved her for me.

Now, Sam has four children and I got two. And even if we have already our own separate families, our friendship remained strong. Sam even suggested that we will match his eldest fifteen-year-old son with my ten year-old daughter so that if it succeeds our thwarted story will continue and get fulfilled in them.

Sam is now thirty-five and I’m thirty-two but even when we meet we still do the “chest-pressing” of our hands. Then we would laugh knowing that only the two of us knew what it meant.

I know that for as long as I live, Sam will remain to hold a special place in my heart. And if I have to live my life all over again and choose someone to share it with; I’d still go... for Sam.

(End)