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“Hold it! Hold itttt!!!” a boy of around 16 years old frantically shouted
when he saw me clamber over the iron railing of the ship, my left foot was
already over it and I was ready to leap into the deep ocean. He was in the nick
of time. I was about to end my life.
I had been diagnosed with a condition where my two corneas were
badly damaged due to an earlier accident and infection. The doctor said that
what I needed were corneal transplant and if I could not have one in six
months, chances are I would lose both my eyesight. But my parents could not
afford the operation. In fact, the reason why the condition of my eyes
deteriorated was because they could not afford the treatment. And the problem
was not only about money; the harder problem was to find cornea donor.
So there was nothing to do but wait until that time when my vision
will finally darken and I will be left blind. I was depressed; so depressed
that I wanted to end my life. For me, life
It was school brea
As the ship sailed on it’s journey towards my uncle’s province, I
could not help but feel depressed again watching over the distance the little
beautiful islands with their sandy beaches and the trees in them flutter as the
winds blew through them. Even if my vision was blurred and foggy, I could still
see the panorama. They seemed like teasing me, mocking and reminding me that a
time will come when I will nev er see them in
my life
That was when I heard that shout. I felt like a hard thing had hit
my head. I hurriedly removed my left foot over the railing and stood there pretending
to be obliviously watching the scenery like nothing happened.
“Why did you do that?” he asked as he came near and stood beside
me.
“What?” I replied in a seemingly angry tone and playing innocent.
He leaned on the railing beside me. Probably he understood that I
wanted to keep to myself what I did so he didn’t force the subject.
Silence.
“You know what? We just went to the big city. It’s really
beautiful there. But I still like the countryside. There, the air is fresh, the
fields are green, and the temperature is not as hot.” He said, brea
I did not answer. I continued to focus my eyes towards the ocean
pretending that I never heard a thing.
He turned his face towards me. “How about you? Are you going to
the province too?” His voice was full enthusiasm.
“I live in the city, in a slum.” I finally opened up albeit
nonchalantly. “M-my uncle is a social worker in the province. I will be staying
with him for... I don’t know how long.”
“Ah, you said he worked in the Social Worker’s office? I think its
the one near the central plaza. I love to go to the place, especially the huge
acacia tree along the seafront overlooking the sea. It has a tree-house in it. It’s
a popular spot for people who want to watch the sun set. But I go there every
Sundays after lunch. It’s the time where it’s hot around but cold and breezy in
the tree-house. That tree-house also serves as a meeting place for some people.
There is a bulletin board there where visitors write or post messages. Kind of
funny. Strangers actually become friends because of those little messages.”
Judging by the way he approached me, it seemed like he had known
me for ages. And I liked his vigor and enthusiasm. He was jolly, optimistic,
and full of life.
But I was not in the mood to talk. I just stood there; in deep
thought.
“You know... my father said that sometimes, sad things happen in
life for some reasons. At times, we will never get to know these reasons. But
always, they are for the better.” His tone suddenly turned serious. Probably,
he sensed I had some problems.
And that’s where I reacted. What he said didn’t sound agreeable to
me. “I don’t believe it... Look at me, I’m getting blind and in less than a
year I will totally lose my vision if I can’t find donors for my operation. So this,
my getting blind... for the better?” I asked sarcastically.
He looked at me. It was a sad look in his eyes. I did not know if it
was for me or for something else. Then he released a faint smile. “My friend, this
reason that I was saying may never be known for now or in the near future. In
fact, we may never really know it at all. Whoever created life or this
universe, his mind must be so huge that we can’t understand his workings. What
has happened to you is just a speck, albeit an integral part of his design; his
grand scheme of things. If you have faith; if you believe... then it may help
you feel better. But granting that you will turn blind, will it be the end of
the world? Will it make you the only blind person on this planet? There are
many people with handicap who rise above their tribulations and made the best
out of their lives. Have you heard of the girl who has no arms but goes to
school like any normal person. Have you heard of another one who hold a black
belt in karate and a license to fly an aircraft? Have you heard of that blind
girl whose sweet voice she used to sing inspirational songs and who has now
many CDs in her name? Many people are touched by them. Many people are inspired
by how they deal with their lives and succeeded where the so-called ‘normal’
people failed. And... there are still many other unsung heroes with handicaps;
people who, not only excel in their chosen fields despite their physical
disability, but also inspired others and touched lives...”
I felt like I was doused with cold water upon hearing what he
said. “Maybe he has a point...” I murmured. “If I go blind, maybe I still can
do something out of my life.”
“You know... the measure of life is not whether one has a handicap
or not; it is on how one makes the best out of his life. I believe that everything
in the world is made for a reason. It’s what my father said. Look at the grass.
We don’t care about them. But no matter how we stepped on them, how we
eradicate them... they continue to live and flourish. They survive. They rise
above life’s tribulations. And I am not a grass. There is a bigger reason why I
am here. And I don’t care whether I know the reason or not, or why I don’t have
the good or better things that other people have but I am just thankful to be alive.
Because... life is beautiful; life has a purpose. There are many people who want
to live life even for a little longer but didn’t have the privilege to make it.
Let us live our lives. Let us treasure it. Let us use it to make others happy.”
I remained silent. Every word he spoke seemed to penetrate into
the deep crevices of my mind.
“Do you have parents?” he continued.
I nodded.
“See? They must be one of your best reasons why you should
treasure life, don’t you think so? Surely they will feel unhappy to see you
suffer or die.”
I was gagged. The words were like arrows that pierced my heart. I
felt tears loomed in my eyes. He was right. I love my parents.
“You know what they call the highest honors conferred when you
graduate from a degree?”
“Summa Cum Laude?” I answered trying to hold back my tears.
“Yes!” He exclaimed. I want to be a summa cum laude... Life is
just like studying, you know. If in school we experience things, we study
subjects, we learn lessons, it’s the same in life. When we graduate, we are
conferred honors if we did our best; only that in life, graduation is death. But
all of us go there in time. And all I want is that when I graduate in this life,
I will get the highest honors. I want that on my grave, someone will post the
title, “Summa Cum Laude”.
I felt like breaking into laughter with his metaphor. I thought it
was stupid.
“Yeah! I mean it!” He reacted seeing a disbelieving smile on my
face. “When I finally be laid to rest, I want that title. Or... maybe an
obituary will do stating that I achieved something that made a difference in
someone else’s life.”
“Hahahahaha!” I finally guffawed. I couldn’t believe that a young
guy like him – so energetic, so full of life and optimism, would be talking
about his own demise. If he was old or ready to die and talking about death, I
wouldn’t be surprised.
“See? I made you laugh!” he blurted.
“Thanks...” I said. I finally felt at ease with him that I forgot
my own problems.
“Here, I’ll share you a song...” as he set his mobile phone music
and turned over to me his headphone.
I took it and listened.
“Do you like it? I love that song.” He asked as I finished
listening and handed him back the headphone.
“I think so...” was may answer. I heard that song before. I knew
it was inspirational but I did not find anything special with it. “What’s the
meaning?” was my question.
“It is a story about a warrior who is so tough and so strong and
mighty. He never gives up any fight. People look up to him. Even if at times he
gets wounded or beaten up, he continues his fight. But despite his bravery and
courage, he is just like any other normal person; there is also a child in him that
makes him drop his sword, kneels down and cries in secret. Beyond what they see
was a gentle person crying and seeking his own hero.”
“And who is this fighter in the song?”
He released a faint smile. “I hope it’s you... and me!”
The boat sounded its siren. We were so engrossed with our
conversation that we failed to notice the boat had reached its destination.
“I got to go bro... thanks for the time. It was nice talking to
you! My mother must have been looking for me by now. Take care!” he shouted as
he rushed to the stairway going to the second floor of the ship.
“Hey!!!” I shouted back. I would have wanted to ask his name and
address. However, he got lost in the crowd. “Was he an angel who came down from
heaven to intervene...?” I murmured.
It was my second week in my uncle’s place. As my vision continued
to deteriorate by the day, I could not help but feel more and more depressed.
My uncle could not still find a donor for my operation and I already felt the
pain of losing my eyesight.
As I watched the central plaza from the window, my eyes were
transfixed at a huge tree on the edge of it. I could not see it clearly with my
already indistinct vision but I felt it could have been the acacia tree which was
mentioned by the boy on the ship.
Excited by the prospect of meeting him again, I dashed out of the
house. And I was not mistaken. It was the tree he mentioned. I could see above
me the tree-house perched on its branches.
Coincidentally, it was Sunday and a few minutes past twelve. I
remembered him saying he used to visit the place on Sundays after lunch.
I hurriedly searched for the stairs and climbed up. But there was
no one in the tree-house. I felt disappointed. The thought of seeing him again
vanished.
As there was nothing to do, I decided to just stay and enjoy the
ambiance of the place. “He was right; the place was cool and breezy, and from its
vantage point, I could see the ocean and the surrounding places; a perfect spot
to relax and commune with nature.” I murmured as I released a deep sigh. I knew
it was only a matter of time before blindness stops me from appreciating such
beauty again.
I was about to leave the place when I spotted the bulletin board
he mentioned. I stopped and read some of the posts. And one message caught my
attention, “To the boy I met on the ship.
If you have read this, please come to my place, 27 Vine Street
I felt like a thunderbolt had hit me. “Could he be the boy I met
on that ship?” I shouted to myself.
I snatched the note from the board, went down the tree-house and hurriedly
took a tricycle. In ten minutes, I arrived to the said address.
Their house was small, dilapidated; almost just like my parents’ house.
But what surprised me was that there were many people around. I sensed
something was wrong.
When I entered the house, I saw a white casket laid in the middle
of the living room. It was eerie. I could feel my heart throbbed so fast.
“You are the boy on the ship?” a woman in her forties asked as she
met me at the doorway.
“Y-yes?” I hesitatingly answered. I wasn’t sure if the boy he
meant was the one I met on that ship and if so, if I was the boy he had befriended.
But before I could find the answer to those questions, she handed
me the letter. “He painstakingly wrote it a few hours before he breathed his
last...” she said wiping the tears in her eyes as she turned around and left
me.
I took a seat in one corner and unfolded the letter. It was
handwritten.
“Dear friend on the
boat. It was kind of funny how I met you on that trip. Time seemed so short
that I even failed to notice it all ended and I forgot to ask your name. But
anyway, I hope you will still be able to come and read this letter. I had been
hoping that I could still see you in the flesh... although it seems impossible
now.
I have to admit that
I was about to do the same thing you wanted to do on that ship: jump into the
sea. But I saw you first... and it was like I came back to my own senses and
held back that plan. I thank you for saving my life. Thanks to me for saving
yours too.(Smile)
You know, I have a
cancer. My right kidney was already removed. I thought that everything was fine
until two years later, I became ill again. When I met you on that trip, that
was the time when my mother and I went to Manila ife
I admit that what
my father said was so hard to understand. Like you, I could not accept why
things I hate the most happen; why I should suffer, why should I die young, and
of all people, why me... But I tried my best to widen my understanding. There
was no choice after all. And I realized that the more I surrendered myself and
accepted everything in my heart regardless of whether I knew the answers to my
questions or not, the more I felt better. And when I learned about your own
problems, I started to realize that maybe, I found the reason why I should fight
until the remaining moments of my life. Like the warrior in that song, I have
to be brave even if I cry like in silence.
Since the time I
was diagnosed with cancer, my mother had asked some social organizations for
help. Just the other day, I was told that a rich donor wanted to help me. I am
happy; not for myself, but for you, my friend. Since my case is hopeless, I
requested to divert his generosity and kindness to you. He agreed.
See? There is
already someone willing to help you with the operation. And for the cornea, I
will donate mine. Don’t worry, it’s free of cancer (smile).
If all plans go well,
your eyesight will be restored. I may not anymore see you in the flesh but I am
happy because through my corneas, you will be able to see the beauty of the
world again. And not only that, something in me will also become a part of you.
My father was
right; life has a purpose and things happen for a reason. There is a reason why
I met you on that ship; there is a reason why I stopped you from taking your
life; there is a reason why I changed my mind from taking my own life too. Now
maybe, you too know the answer.
As I graduated from
this life, I hope I did not fail. But even a passing grade will make me be very
happy. With the short life that I got, I know it was not enough to earn even a
cum laude honors. But you are still here to continue the journey. I know you
will try your best to ‘graduate’ with flying colors..
Take care always
friend. Enjoy life; for life
Your friend,
-Ariel-“
No words could ever describe how I felt upon reading his letter. I
was shocked and was so ashamed of myself. My problem was lesser compared with
what he went through yet I took mine like my whole world had ended. Whereas he...
death was cutting him inch by inch but there he was; full of optimism, full of
hope. To the end, he put up a hard fight like a real warrior.
The doctors found his corneas to have matched my
requirements. Immediately they did the operation. Sadly, it happened on the same
day of his funeral. The doctors wanted to do the operation immediately while he
had to be buried soon too. It was kind of ironic. While I get a new lease on my
eyesight, he goes to his eternal resting place and I will never get to see him
again.
When the wounds on my operation healed, I visited
Ariel’s grave. As I read out my letter to him, I played his favorite song –
Lately
I’ve been winning battles left and right
But
even winners can get wounded in the fight
People
say that I’m amazing
I’m
strong beyond my years
But
they don’t see inside of me
I’m
hiding all the tears
They
don’t know that I come running home when I fall down
They
don’t know who picks me up when no one is around
I
drop my sword and cry for just a while
(Look
up for His smile)
‘Coz
deep inside this armor
The
warrior is a child (Aahhh)
Unafraid
because His arrow is the best
But
even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People
say that I’m amazing
I
never face retreat, oh no
But
they don’t see the enemies
That
lay me at His feet
They
don’t know that I come running home when I fall down
They
don’t know who picks me up when no one is around
I
drop my sword and cry for just a while
(Look
up for His smile)
‘Coz
deep inside this armor
The
warrior is a child (Aahhh)
They
don’t know that I come running home when I fall down
They
don’t know who picks me up when no one is around
I
drop my sword and cry for just a while
(Look
up for His smile)
‘Coz
deep inside this armor
The
warrior is a child (Aahhh)
“Dear
Ariel, thank you for everything... You are right. Life has a purpose and
everything that happens has its reasons. Now I know that the reason why you
stopped me from taking my life on that day was because you are the one to
deliver me from my suffering. I also know now why you were prevented from
taking your own life too; because you have to give me your corneas first. I
also know now why you like that song so much; because you want to be a warrior...
Because despite your ailment, you kept fighting, showing me and other people
how precious life is and how privileged we are to have lived it. I just have
one regret though: during those times when you cried in silence, I was not
there by your side. How I wished I was beside you to at least cry with you, help
you unload your burden.
But...
it’s ok. I am sure you are at peace now. As for me... I still have to struggle
through the tricky trappings of life. But don’t you worry. I’ll be a warrior
too. I promise to be strong, courageous, brave, and I will win over battles of
life. Like you, I will give it a good fight until my last breath.
Thank
you for giving me the opportunity to see the beauty of the world again. Thank
you for opening up my mind about the meaning and value of life. I promise that
I will strive to be the best person that I can ever be; to make my life
meaningful so that when it will be my turn to graduate from this ‘college of
life’, I will be like you.
I
disagree it when you said that you only got an average grade. No; you graduated
with flying colors and you got all the medals. You saved my life; you gave me
back my eyesight; you made a difference in my life. You are my hero...
One
day, when it’s my time to graduate from this college of life, I’ll come to see
you again. But for now, good bye my dear friend. May you rest in peace... Your
friend on the boat, -Noel-”
I folded my letter; planted a kiss on it and gently
placed it on his crypt. Below it, I spread the streamer... “SUMMA CUM LAUDE”.
End.
